BASTARD. I know not why, except to get the land. But once he slander’d me with bastardy. But whe’er I be as true begot or no, That still I lay upon my mother’s head; But that I am as well begot, my liege— Fair fall the bones that took the pains for me!— Compare our faces and be judge yourself. If old Sir Robert did beget us both And were our father, and this son like him, O old Sir Robert, father, on my knee I give heaven thanks I was not like to thee! KING JOHN. Why, what a madcap hath heaven lent us here! QUEEN ELEANOR. He hath a trick of Cœur-de-lion’s face; The accent of his tongue affecteth him. Do you not read some tokens of my son In the large composition of this man? KING JOHN. Mine eye hath well examined his parts And finds them perfect Richard. Sirrah, speak, What doth move you to claim your brother’s land? BASTARD. Because he hath a half-face, like my father. With half that face would he have all my land: A half-fac’d groat five hundred pound a year! ROBERT. My gracious liege, when that my father liv’d, Your brother did employ my father much— BASTARD. Well, sir, by this you cannot get my land. Your tale must be how he employ’d my mother. ROBERT. And once dispatch’d him in an embassy To Germany, there with the emperor To treat of high affairs touching that time. Th’ advantage of his absence took the King And in the meantime sojourn’d at my father’s; Where how he did prevail I shame to speak; But truth is truth: large lengths of seas and shores Between my father and my mother lay, As I have heard my father speak himself, When this same lusty gentleman was got. Upon his death-bed he by will bequeath’d His lands to me, and took it, on his death That this my mother’s son was none of his; And if he were, he came into the world Full fourteen weeks before the course of time. Then, good my liege, let me have what is mine, My father’s land, as was my father’s will. KING JOHN. Sirrah, your brother is legitimate; Your father’s wife did after wedlock bear him, And if she did play false, the fault was hers; Which fault lies on the hazards of all husbands That marry wives. Tell me, how if my brother, Who, as you say, took pains to get this son, Had of your father claim’d this son for his? In sooth, good friend, your father might have kept This calf, bred from his cow, from all the world; In sooth, he might; then, if he were my brother’s, My brother might not claim him; nor your father, Being none of his, refuse him. This concludes; My mother’s son did get your father’s heir; Your father’s heir must have your father’s land. ROBERT. Shall then my father’s will be of no force To dispossess that child which is not his? BASTARD. Of no more force to dispossess me, sir, Than was his will to get me, as I think. QUEEN ELEANOR. Whether hadst thou rather be: a Faulconbridge And like thy brother, to enjoy thy land, Or the reputed son of Cœur-de-lion, Lord of thy presence and no land besides?