“When a man lives all alone and as self-centered as I,” the other
replied, smiling, “it is fatally easy for him to do that; he may
blend himself with his ideals in such a curious way that he never
talks about anything else. But if you will excuse that, I will tell
you what I can.”
“Tell me why it is that you live so much alone,” said the girl. “Is
it that you do not care for friends?”
“It is very difficult for a man who feels about life as I do to find
many friends,” he responded. “If one strives to dwell in deep
things, and is very keen and earnest about it, he is apt to find
very little to help him outside of himself; perhaps it is because I
have met very few persons in my life, but it has not happened to me
to find anyone who thinks about it as I do, or who cares to live it
with my strenuousness. I have met musicians, some who labored very
hard at their art, but none who felt it a duty to labor with their
own souls, to make them beautiful and strong; and I have met
literary men and scholars, but they were all interested in books,
and were willing to be learned, and to classify and plod; I have
never found one who was swift and eager, and full of high impatience
for what is real and the best. There should come times to a man, I
think, when he feels that books are an impertinence, when he knows
that he has only the long-delayed battle with his own heart to
fight, and the prize of its joy to win. When such moods come upon
him he sees that he has to live his life upon his knees, and it is
rarely indeed that he knows of anyone who can follow him and share
in his labor. So it is that I have had to live all my life by
myself, Miss Davis.”
“You have always done that?” Helen asked, as he stopped.
“Yes,” he answered, “or for very many years. I have a little house
on the wildest of lakes up in the mountains, wyhere I play the
hermit in the summer, and where I should have been now if it had not
been that I yielded to your aunt's invitation. When I spoke of
having no friends I forgot the things of Nature, which really do
sympathize with an artist's life; I find that they never fail to
become full of meaning whenever my own spirit shakes off its bonds.
It has always been a belief of mine that there is nothing that
Nature makes that is quite so dull and unfeeling as man,--with the
exception of children and lovers, I had much rather play my violin
for the flowers and the trees.”
“You like to play it out of doors?” Helen asked, with a sudden
smile.
“Yes,” laughed the other, “that is one of my privileges as a hermit.
It seems quite natural to the wild things, for they have all a music
of their own, a wonderful, silent music that the best musicians
cannot catch; do you not believe that, Miss Davis?”
“Yes,” Helen said, and sat gazing at her companion silently for a
minute. “I should think a life of such effort would be very hard,”
she said finally. “Do you not ever fail?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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