Knickerbocker's History of New York, CompleteIrving, Washington
History
Knickerbocker's History of New York, Complete
Irving, Washington
New York (State) -- History -- Colonial period, ca. 1600-1775
To return, then, to my supposition--let us suppose that the aerial
visitants I have mentioned, possessed of vastly superior knowledge to
ourselves--that is to say, possessed of superior knowledge in the art of
extermination--riding on hippogriffs--defended with impenetrable
armor--armed with concentrated sunbeams, and provided with vast engines,
to hurl enormous moonstones; in short, let us suppose them, if our vanity
will permit the supposition, as superior to us in knowledge, and
consequently in power, as the Europeans were to the Indians when they
first discovered them. All this is very possible, it is only our
self-sufficiency that makes us think otherwise; and I warrant the poor
savages, before they had any knowledge of the white men, armed in all the
terrors of glittering steel and tremendous gunpowder, were as perfectly
convinced that they themselves were the wisest, the most virtuous,
powerful, and perfect of created beings, as are at this present moment the
lordly inhabitants of old England, the volatile populace of France, or
even the self-satisfied citizens of this most enlightened republic.
Let us suppose, moreover, that the aerial voyagers, finding this planet to
be nothing but a howling wilderness, inhabited by us poor savages and wild
beasts, shall take formal possession of it, in the name of his most
gracious and philosophic excellency, the Man in the Moon. Finding however
that their numbers are incompetent to hold it in complete subjection, on
account of the ferocious barbarity of its inhabitants, they shall take our
worthy President, the King of England, the Emperor of Hayti, the mighty
Bonaparte, and the great King of Bantam, and, returning to their native
planet, shall carry them to court, as were the Indian chiefs led about as
spectacles in the courts of Europe.
Then making such obeisance as the etiquette of the court requires, they
shall address the puissant Man in the Moon in, as near as I can
conjecture, the following terms:----
"Most serene and mighty Potentate, whose dominions extend as far as eye
can reach, who rideth on the Great Bear, useth the sun as a looking glass,
and maintaineth unrivaled control over tides, madmen, and sea-crabs. We,
thy liege subjects, have just returned from a voyage of discovery, in the
course of which we have landed and taken possession of that obscure little
dirty planet, which thou beholdest rolling at a distance. The five uncouth
monsters which we have brought into this august present were once very
important chiefs among their fellow-savages, who are a race of beings
totally destitute of the common attributes of humanity, and differing in
everything from the inhabitants of the moon, inasmuch as they carry their
heads upon their shoulders, instead of under their arms--have two eyes
instead of one--are utterly destitute of tails, and of a variety of
unseemly complexions, particularly of horrible whiteness, instead of
pea-green.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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