CHAP. I.—Showing the nature of history in general;—containing furthermore the universal acquirements of William the Testy, and how a man may learn so much as to render himself good for nothing 317 CHAP. II.—How William the Testy undertook to conquer by proclamation—How he was a great man abroad, but a little man in his own house 326 CHAP. III.—In which are recorded the sage projects of a universal genius—The art of fighting by proclamation—and how that the valiant Jacobus Van Curlet came to be foully dishonored at Fort Goed Hoop 332 CHAP. IV.—Containing the fearful wrath of William the Testy, and the alarm of New Amsterdam—How the Governor did strongly fortify the city—Of the Rise of Antony the Trumpeter, and the windy addition to the armorial bearings of New Amsterdam 341 CHAP. V.—Of the jurisprudence of William the Testy, and his admirable expedients for the suppression of poverty 349 CHAP. VI.—Projects of William the Testy for increasing the currency—He is outwitted by the Yankees—The great Oyster War 357 [Illustration] =Illustrations= PAGE WILLIAM THE TESTY _Frontispiece_ SUNNYSIDE 1 THE AUTHOR 9 “AND THAT A GREAT DRAGON OCCASIONALLY SWALLOWS UP THE MOON” 37 PROFESSOR VON PODDINGCOFT 43 THE GREAT EGG OF NIGHT 51 THE GOOD DAME OF NARBONNE IN FRANCE 53 “MOUNT ASTRIDE OF HIS TAIL, AND AWAY HE GALLOPS IN TRIUMPH” 57 FOHI THE HISTORIAN 63 HANS DE LAET 67 “SAVAGES TO EXTERMINATE” 70 THE PEOPLE OF NORTH AMERICA ACCORDING TO PETRI 77 “AS WHITE BEARS CRUISE ABOUT THE NORTHERN OCEANS” 81 “IT IS VAIN TO OFFER THEM MONEY; THEY SAY THEY ARE NOT HUNGRY” 89 “THEY INTRODUCED AMONG THEM RUM, GIN, AND BRANDY” 95 THE SPANISH HAD THE RIGHT BY GUN-POWDER 99 THE HEADLESS MEN OF THE MOON VISIT US 101 “WHO RIDETH ON THE GREAT BEAR AND USETH THE SUN AS A LOOKING-GLASS” 105 MY GREAT-GRANDFATHER TAKES A BIRD’S-EYE VIEW FROM THE