Ladies and GentlemenCobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
General
Ladies and Gentlemen
Cobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
Fiction; Short stories, American
The recipient opened it. He tore away the festal wrappings, and held
the contents to the light. His eye seemed to kindle. "Looks to me sort
of like licker," he said.
"That's what it is."
Mrs. Bugbee was hovering alongside awaiting the expected outburst of
gratitude, puzzled though that it should be so long delayed.
"Mind ef I taste it right here?"
"Not at all."
"Got a corkscrew handy?"
"I think I can locate one."
"And a glass?"
Mrs. Bugbee brought a tumbler. Mr. Bugbee found a corkscrew.
Deftly Mr. Sisson unstoppered the bottle. Into the glass he poured a
taste of the liquid. He did not invite them to share with him. There
was about him no suggestion that he meant to make a loving-cup of it.
He sipped briefly. "That's sufficient--I jest wanted to make sure," he
stated. "This here is a stimilent containing' more'n one-half of one
percent alcohol by volume."
"I should say it is. That Scotch was made back in--" He checked, for
Mr. Sisson was behaving very peculiarly indeed.
Mr. Sisson was recorking the bottle and sliding it carefully into a
side pocket of his overcoat. From other pockets he brought forth a
revolver, a folded document of an official and formidable appearance,
it having a seal upon its outermost side, and finally a clanking
pair of very new looking, very shiny handcuffs. He laid these one by
one upon a convenient table-top and next he cast a determined and
confounding stare upon the startled faces of Mr. and Mrs. Bugbee.
The lady's fascinated eyes were fixed for the moment upon the
horrifying steeliness of those glinting cuffs, and spasmodically she
thrust her hands wrist deep in her ulster pockets. It was evident that,
be this daunting intruder's purposes what they might, Mrs. Bugbee
did not mean to be manacled without a struggle. But Mr. Bugbee stood
unresistingly and blinked like a man coming out of a distressful trance
and not sure yet that he is out.
"You're both under arrest," expounded Mr. Sisson. "Fur endeavorin' to
ply a third party with alcoholic stimilents."
"But--but we gave it to you--of our own free will!" faltered Mrs.
Bugbee.
"Givin', sellin' outright or barterin', the law don't recognize no
difference. Anything you say further kin be used ag'inst you. Still, I
guess there's evidence aplenty to convict. Prob'ly it'll go the worse
with you fur offerin' it to an officer of the law. That's whut I am--an
officer of the law. Here's my credentials to prove it. And ef you don't
believe me, here's my badge." He flipped back a lapel to display a
large and silverish decoration pinned under the flap.
"You can't do this outrageous thing to us," declaimed Mr. Bugbee, now
fully emerging from coma. His cheeks were blazing. "It's incredible!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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