Ladies and GentlemenCobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
General
Ladies and Gentlemen
Cobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
Fiction; Short stories, American
"I've had the feeling for longer than just these last few days,"
continued Mr. Gatling despondently. "But I couldn't put my hand on it,
not at first. I tried to fool myself by saying it was this Wild Western
flubdub and stuff getting into her blood and she'd get over it, soon as
the attack had run its course. First loading up with all that Indian
junk, then saying she felt as though she never wanted to do anything
but be natural and stay out here and rough it for the rest of her life,
and now here all of a sudden getting so much more flip and slangy than
usual. That's the worst symptom yet--that slang is.
"In your day, ma'am, when a girl fell in love or thought she had,
she went and got all mushed-up and sentimental; went mooning around
sentimentalizing and rhapsodizing and romanticking and everything.
All of you but the strong-minded ones did and I guess they must have
mushed-up some too, on the sly. Yes'm, that's what you did--you
mushed-up." His tone was accusing, condemning, as though he dealt with
ancient offenses which not even the passage of the years might condone.
"But now it's different with them. They get slangier and flippier and
they let on to make fun of their own affections. And that's what Miss
Shirley is doing right now, this very minute, or else I'm the worst
misled man in the entire state of Montana."
"Maybe--maybe--" The matron sputtered as her distress mounted. "Of
course I'm not admitting that you're right, Hector--the mere suggestion
of such a thing is simply incredible--but on the bare chance that the
child might be getting silly notions into her head, maybe I'd better
speak to her. I'm so much older than she is that--"
"You said it then!" With a grim firmness Mr. Gatling interrupted.
"You're so much older than she is; that's your trouble. And I'm
suffering from the same incurable complaint. People our age who've
got children growing up go around bleating that young people are
different from the way young people were when we were young. They're
not. They're just the same as we were--same impulses, same emotions,
same damphoolishness, same everything--but they've got a new way
of expressing 'em. And then we say we can't understand them. Knock
thirty years off of our lives and we'd understand all right because
then we'd be just the same as they are. So you'll not say a word to
that youngster of ours--not yet awhile, you won't. Nor me, neither."
Grammar, considered as such, never had meant very much to Mr. Gatling,
that masterful, self-educated man.
"But if I pointed out a few things to her--if I warned her--"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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