England -- Fiction; Epistolary fiction; Mate selection -- Fiction; Mothers and daughters -- Fiction; Widows -- Fiction
I have received your letter, and though I do not attempt to conceal
that I am gratified by your impatience for the hour of meeting, I yet
feel myself under the necessity of delaying that hour beyond the time
originally fixed. Do not think me unkind for such an exercise of my
power, nor accuse me of instability without first hearing my reasons.
In the course of my journey from Churchhill I had ample leisure for
reflection on the present state of our affairs, and every review has
served to convince me that they require a delicacy and cautiousness of
conduct to which we have hitherto been too little attentive. We have
been hurried on by our feelings to a degree of precipitation which ill
accords with the claims of our friends or the opinion of the world. We
have been unguarded in forming this hasty engagement, but we must not
complete the imprudence by ratifying it while there is so much reason
to fear the connection would be opposed by those friends on whom you
depend. It is not for us to blame any expectations on your father’s
side of your marrying to advantage; where possessions are so extensive
as those of your family, the wish of increasing them, if not strictly
reasonable, is too common to excite surprize or resentment. He has a
right to require a woman of fortune in his daughter-in-law, and I am
sometimes quarrelling with myself for suffering you to form a
connection so imprudent; but the influence of reason is often
acknowledged too late by those who feel like me. I have now been but a
few months a widow, and, however little indebted to my husband’s memory
for any happiness derived from him during a union of some years, I
cannot forget that the indelicacy of so early a second marriage must
subject me to the censure of the world, and incur, what would be still
more insupportable, the displeasure of Mr. Vernon. I might perhaps
harden myself in time against the injustice of general reproach, but
the loss of _his_ valued esteem I am, as you well know, ill-fitted to
endure; and when to this may be added the consciousness of having
injured you with your family, how am I to support myself? With feelings
so poignant as mine, the conviction of having divided the son from his
parents would make me, even with you, the most miserable of beings. It
will surely, therefore, be advisable to delay our union—to delay it
till appearances are more promising—till affairs have taken a more
favourable turn. To assist us in such a resolution I feel that absence
will be necessary. We must not meet. Cruel as this sentence may appear,
the necessity of pronouncing it, which can alone reconcile it to
myself, will be evident to you when you have considered our situation
in the light in which I have found myself imperiously obliged to place
it. You may be—you must be—well assured that nothing but the strongest
conviction of duty could induce me to wound my own feelings by urging a
lengthened separation, and of insensibility to yours you will hardly
suspect me.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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