Lady Sybil's Choice: A Tale of the CrusadesHolt, Emily Sarah
History
Lady Sybil's Choice: A Tale of the Crusades
Holt, Emily Sarah
Crusades -- Fiction; Historical fiction
"Only one Man," said Marguerite softly. "And He died for us."
After saying that, she went away and left me. I lay still, her last
words making a kind of refrain in my head, mingling with the one thought
that seemed to fill every corner.
"He died for us!" Surely, then, He cannot hate us. He is not trying to
give us as much suffering as we can bear?
I rose at last, and went to seek Guy. But I had to search the house
almost through for him. I found him at length, in the base court,
gazing through one of the narrow windows through which the archers
shoot. The moment I saw his face, I perceived that though we might be
one in sorrow we were emphatically two in our respective ways of bearing
it. The quiet, patient grief in that faraway look which I saw in his
eyes, was dictated by a very different spirit from that which actuated
me. And he found it, too.
Not a word would he hear against Sybil. He nearly maddened me by calmly
assuming that her sufferings were beyond ours, and entreating me not to
let any words of mine add to her burden. It was so like Guy—always
himself last! And when I said passionately that God was cruel,
cruel!—he hushed me with the only flash of the old impetuosity that I
saw in him.
"No, Elaine, no! Let me never hear that again."
I was silent, but the raging of the sea went on within.
"I think," said Guy quietly, "that it is either in a great sorrow or a
serious illness that a man really sees himself as he is, if it please
God to give him leave. I have thought, until to-day, in a vague way,
that I loved God. I begin to wonder this morning whether I ever did at
all."
His words struck cold on me. Guy no true Christian!—my brave, generous,
noble, unselfish Guy! Then what was I likely to be?
"Guy," I said,—"_will_ she?" I could bear the torture no longer. And I
knew he would need no more.
"I think so, Elaine," was his quiet answer. "I hope so."
"’_Hope_ so’!"
"It is her only chance for the kingdom. The nobles are quite right,
dear. I am a foreigner; I am an adventurer; I am not a scion of any
royal house. It would very much consolidate her position to get rid of
me."
"And canst thou speak so calmly? I want to curse them all round, if I
cannot consume them!"
"I am past that, Elaine," said Guy in a low voice, not quite so firmly
as before. "Once, I did—— May the good Lord pardon me! His thunders
are not for mortal hands. And I am thankful that it is so."
"I suppose nobody is wicked, except me," I said bitterly. "Every body
else seems to be so terribly resigned, and so shockingly good, and so
every thing else that he ought to be: and—I will go, if thou hast no
objection, Guy. I shall be saying something naughty, if I don’t."
Guy put his arm round me, and kissed my forehead.
"My poor little Lynette!" he said. "We can go home to Poitou, dear, and
be once more all in all to each other, as we used to be long ago.
Monseigneur will be glad to see us."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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