Artists -- Fiction; England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
Margaret was arraigned before the domestic tribunal, unknown to
herself; though, had she known it, the circumstance would have made no
impression upon her. Her cold pride would at all times have rendered
her indifferent to opinion; and now that indifference, weariness,
and distaste had entire possession of her, she had not even cared to
hide the dreary truth from her husband's mother and sister. What had
become of her resolutions with regard to them? Where were her first
impulses of gratitude? Gone--sunk in the Dead Sea of her overmastering
passion--utterly lost beneath the tide of her conscienceless
selfishness. She could not strive, she could not pretend, she could not
play any part longer. Why should she, to whom such talk was twaddle
of the trashiest description, try to appear interested because she
had given birth to Geoffrey's child? Well, there was the child; let
them make much of it, and talk nonsense to it and about it. What was
Geoffrey's child to her, or Geoffrey's mother, or--she had gone very
near to saying Geoffrey himself either, but something dimly resembling
a pang of conscience stopped her. He was very good, very honest, very
kind; and she was almost sorry for him,--as nearly sorry as she could
be for any but herself; and then the tide of that sorrow for herself
dashed over and swept all these trifling scraps of vague regret, of
perhaps elementary remorse, away on its tumultuous waves.
She was cursed with such keen memory, she was haunted with such a
terrible sense of contrast! Had it been more dreadful, more agonising,
when she was a wanderer in the pitiless streets,--starving, homeless,
dying of sheer want; when the bodily suffering she endured was so great
that it benumbed her mind, and deadened it to all but craving for food
and shelter? The time of this terrible experience lay so far in the
past now, that she had begun to forget the reality of the torture;
she had begun to undervalue its intensity, and to think that she had
purchased rescue too dear. Too dead--she, whose glance could not fall
around her without resting on some memorial of the love she had won;
she, whose daily life was sheltered from every breath of ill and care!
She had always been weary; now she was growing enraged. Like the
imprisoned creatures of the desert and the jungle, in whom long spells
of graceful apathetic repose are succeeded by fierce fits of rebellious
struggle, she strove and fought with the gentle merciful fate which
had brought her into this pretty prison and supplied her with dainty
daily fare. It had all been bearable--at least until now--and she had
borne it well, and never turned upon her keeper. But the wind had set
from the lands of sun and fragrance, from the desert whose sands were
golden, whose wells were the sparkling waters of life and love, and she
had scented the old perfume in the breeze. All the former instincts
revived, the slight chain of formal uncongenial habit fell away, and
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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