British -- China -- Fiction; English fiction -- 20th century; Fantasy fiction
“We are like the gods up here. Down there I see the world, where Wang
Li is.” Her mind did not admit the thought of others on the far side of
the Lake.
“Do the gods live for ever, and are they eternally happy?” she asked.
Her thoughts were all of an immense duration of happiness in some
illimitable space of light, with dim shapes of mountains and pavilions.
But a shadow fell across her mind, an annihilating thought of a
cessation, of a space of nothing, of her lover wilfully dissolving in
emptiness, deliberately ceasing to be.
At her question, a swift, stony chill seemed to pass across his face.
“Your question has no relation to reality,” he coldly replied.
“I know you think it,” she answered. “I see quite well that it is
absurd. You have made me understand that life is relative and all that.
But it is a queer thought for a woman in love. My brains have all gone,
you see, because of it, and I—the I that is the living Lychnis, and
this body—clamour to be recognized.”
She had not spoken to him or to herself so boldly before, but the
thought of what he was always calling the eternal, non-existing
Lychnis, with no body for caresses, the Lychnis pre-existent in a
state precedent to matter and intelligence and life, was not congenial
to her. But was she ready for an alternative? At once her words
presented their own meaning clearly to her mind, and she experienced
a terror that she chose to find delicious. There he was, tall and
brooding, near her in the gloom of the evening. She was ready to
think of herself as having been seized, as captive to the masked,
expressionless god.
A gust of wind boomed in the roof of the hut.
“It is chilly here,” she said. “Are we going away to-night to the
forests in the south, where it is so warm?”
He stood close to her, and her orchid-petal hands lay in his. She
divined a formidable debate in his mind, and wished that she could have
read the eyes that gazed past her through the window. If he did not
take her to the forests.... If they stayed here.... This might become
her bridal chamber. She let the thought take her fully, and in the face
of reality looked through the window for an escape. There was only rain
and frowning crags and the valley, and perhaps the shadow of a picture
of someone far off who could have given her advice. The bridal chamber!
She was happy as she was, after all, in a now that might as well be
unending, and perhaps, if she was to be possessed by Yuan, it would
have to be in the glow of that moment of assent in the rain-world, now
somewhat past.
He made no reply to her thoughts. With him it was crisis. He chose the
flowering moment of desire to show his contempt for it. Most probably
the moments of silence were an eternity of the anguish of renunciation.
“Is anything the matter?” She caught some faint shadow of dismay on the
strong mask of his visage. “Are you displeased?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account