Once I had seen a mummy in a museum, it was some old prospector who
had been lying in the Nevada desert for a hundred years or so. I was
going to look like him, dried up, yellow, my teeth protruding in a
grin, perfectly preserved. With no pilot, the ship would go into a
cometary orbit around the sun. Maybe in a hundred years or so someone
would come and take me back to a museum on earth.
I began to think about my wife, Sandy. I got out a piece of paper and
wrote a long letter to her. I thought, maybe she'll even get to read
it some day. Writing gave me something to do. I wrote about the time
we had gone up to the Sierras together and slept in a sleeping bag at
the edge of a four-thousand foot cliff. And about the times we had
gone out in our cabin cruiser, the time we both nearly drowned. And
asked about our daughter Wendy, who would be four now. I remembered
part of an old poem:
Christ! That my love were in my arms,
And I in my bed again!
Writing was all right, until I realized that I had begun feeling sorry
for myself, and I was letting it get into the letter. I put the letter
aside and wondered what else I could do to kill time. I got out some
of the film plates I'd made of the surface of Mars. Of course I had
transmitted them all to Lunar Base, but it would have been nice if I
could have delivered the original plates. I studied them for a while
but didn't find anything I hadn't seen before. Well, I had done my job
at least. I had orbited Mars, I had the glory of being the first
American to do that. I had dropped the instrument package and
transmitted all the data I could get back to Lunar. My only failure
would be in not bringing back the ship.
I remembered a conversation I'd had at the last International Space
Symposium in Geneva. A buddy of mine and I had taken out one of the
Soviet cosmonauts and got him drunk. He was a dignified sort of drunk,
a Party member who told long, pointless Russian jokes with an
unwavering, serious expression. He sat sideways on the bar stool,
holding his glass of vodka between two fingers and staring straight
ahead. He said one thing that I had never forgotten.
"Do you know why we are ahead of you in space?" he had said, staring
with dignity at the tall blonde at a nearby table. "It is because of
your bourgeois sentimentality. You do not like risking men. You build
a skyscraper in New York to house some insurance company. Two or three
construction workers are maimed or killed on the job. One of your coal
mines collapses and fifty men are trapped. Yet, look. You are afraid
of losing men in space because of what the people at home might think.
So you are too conservative, you avoid risks. So we are ahead of you.
We send out a ship with three men aboard when you would risk only one.
We are not sentimental, that is all. That is why we are ahead of you."
He ordered another drink and stared into the mirror for several
minutes, letting us think that over. Then he went on.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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