The motive which dictates the request is the same that had made him ask
which chair she is wont to occupy in the drawing-room. He is collecting
frames for the gallery of pictures of her that is to hang in his heart.
She gives a slight assenting nod, and sets off with an undecided step,
turning over in her mind, with a view to choosing it, which of her
familiar paths is the one that is least associated with Rupert’s
companionship. It is safe, at all events, to begin with the churchyard.
Every new-comer is shown the gigantic brother yews, and told how much is
the eight-century girth of the largest one.
“It measures thirty-four feet in circumference,” she says, in a dull
show-woman’s voice, as she has said scores of times before to politely
astonished visitors.
And then they stand silent, staring at the erebus of shade above their
heads, at the enormous branch which, in some former storm--now itself
long ago--has shown symptoms of breaking away from the colossal trunk,
and has taken such a gigantic prop to support it. From under the eternal
night of the tree, day is seen to laugh over the rather neglected green
mounds around--neglected as rural churchyards are discreditably often
apt to be, but over which the kindly wild flowers are waving unbidden.
“If you outlive me, which is unlikely, this is where you may finally
think of me,” says Lavinia, speaking at last. “It is not very
imaginative of one to live and die on the same quarter of an acre, is
it? The entrance to our vault is on the other side of the church.” She
gives her piece of information with a sort of alacrity, in contrast to
the muffled dulness of her last sentences.
“You say it as if you were telling me a piece of good news.”
“You wished to know where I generally sit and walk. I thought you might
carry your interest a step further, and like to know where I am to lie.”
He turns aside, as if to examine one of the chipped truisms on a
lichened headstone; but not before she has seen a glimpse, and divined
the rest, of the disfigurement her cruel and unworthy appeal to his pity
has worked on his still sickness-thinned and hollowed face. A bitter
pang of self-condemnation adds itself to a mocking memory of one, and
the most emphatic, of Féodorovna’s nursing injunctions--to be sure not
to mention any subject in the least painful to her patient. Is this the
way in which she is fulfilling it? He is trying his hardest to behave
like an honourable gentleman; and instead of helping him, she
is--because it gives herself some relief from her intolerable
pain--setting the stumbling-block of her cowardly bid for compassion in
his way. She half puts out her hand to touch the sleeve which still bags
upon his arm; then draws it back.
“I have thought of a walk,” she says, in a better and braver voice.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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