Death -- Fiction; Friendship -- Fiction; Psychological fiction; Women novelists -- Fiction
He was still standing at the window. The street lamp, level with the
sill, was quenched to a yellow gloom. It lit up the wet striped branches
and dead bobbins of the plane-tree beside it, and the sickly undersides
of its shrivelled last leaves. I never thought a tree could look so
ghastly. Against that unnatural glitter and the luminous thick air the
man and the half-drawn curtain stood out in solid, unfamiliar bulk of
black.
I came and stood just behind him. He was so big that I only reached his
shoulder. He may have heard me: I think he did; but he did not turn. I
was not frightened of him. That was so queer, because as a rule I can’t
talk to strangers. I get nervous and red, and foolish-tongued,
especially with men. Of course I knew all the usual men, the doctor at
home, and the church people, and husbands that came back by the
five-thirty, and now all Anita’s friends, and Mr. Flood; but I never had
anything to say to them or they to me. But with Kent Rehan, somehow, it
was different. He was different. I never thought—‘This is a strange
man.’ I never thought—‘He doesn’t know me: it’s impertinent to break in
upon him: what will he think?’ I never thought of all that. I never
thought about myself at all. I was just passionately desiring to help
him and I didn’t know how to do it.
I think I stood there for four or five minutes, trying to find words,
opening my lips, and then catching back the phrase before a sound came,
because it seemed so poor and meaningless. And all the while the Baxter
girl’s words were running in my head—‘They say he was in love with her.’
With her—with Madala Grey. She was the key. I had the strangest pang of
interest in this unknown woman. Who was she? What was she? What had she
been? What had she done so to centre herself in so many, in such alien
lives? What had she in common for them all? Books, books, books—_I’d_
never heard of her books! And she was married. Yet the loss of her,
unpossessed, could bring such a look (as he turned restlessly from the
window at last) such a look to Kent Rehan’s face. I was filled with a
sort of anger against that dead woman, and I envied her. I never saw a
man look so—as if his very soul had been bruised. It was not, it was
never, a weak face, and it was not a young one; yet in that instant I
saw in it, and clearly, its own forgotten childhood, bewildered by its
first encounter with pain. It was that fleeting look that touched me so
and gave me courage, so that I found myself saying to him, very low and
quickly, and with a queer authority—
“It won’t always hurt so much. It will get easier. I promise you it
will. It does. Truly it does. In six months—I _do_ know.”
He looked down at me strangely.
I went on because I had to, but it was difficult. It was desperately
difficult. I could hear myself blundering and stammering, and using
hateful slangy phrases that I never used as a rule.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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