White Men! White Men! Sure as you're born, The crows are going to take your corn! They surround your fields on every tree, And they blacken the sky as far as we see. Lubly Rosa! Sambo stay, In the land of Dixie, Far away." Linkin laughed at it when I got thru, an sed it done very well for some sore-hed Dimmycrat, but that Whittiur could write one on 'tother side that this would not be a primin to. I telled him Whittiur might make better poetry, but I doubted whether ther would as much truth in it as this had. Linkin ses he wants me to study up the finances for him. He ses the debt is gettin fearful, an as I am good at cyferin, he ses I must try to help him out on that subject. He wants to put it in his nex message. It is some time since I did such work, but if I feel like it, I will go into it, an will write you how I get along. Your frend, MAJER JACK DOWNING. LETTER VIII. _Matters get Confused--The "Kernel and the Major" Compelled to go to Fortress Monroe to Straighten Things Out--Mr. Lincoln Takes his Revolver--The Major Sticks to His Hickory--Arrival at Fort Monroe--They go on a "Tippergraphical Rekonnisanze"--A Night Alarm--Secretary Stanton Tries to get on the President's Pantaloons._ WASHINGTON, May 13th, 1862. _To the Editers of The Cawcashin:_ SURS:--Wal, if I ain't eenamost tired out, I wouldn't say so. Wen I writ you last, I told you that Linkin wanted me to look into the financies and cifer where we was a comin to, but I ain't had time to do it yet. Things have ben in a kind of a dubbel and twisted snarl here lately. Sekretary Stantin and Gins. McClellin and McDowell have been almost by the ears. One of em halls Linkin one way and another t'other way, until he got eenamost crazy. McClellin wanted more sojers. Stantin sed he didn't have em for him. McDowell sed he wanted more, and Banks wanted more. So you see here was a pretty kittle of fish. Finally, Mr. Linkin, ses he, "Majer, wat on erth shall I do?" "Wal," ses I, "Kernel, I tell you my idee. You better go down to Fort Monrow, an see for yourself. I allers found, when I had a lot of hands in the field a mowin, there was nothin like havin the boss on hand. If he ain't there, they all want to be boss." "Wal," ses Linkin, "I think that is a good plan, Majer; and if you will go along with me, I will go down there, and if I don't straiten things out there, my name ain't Abe Linkin. But, Major, how shall we go?" "Wal," ses I, "Kernel, do jist as Ginneral Jackson used to; step of kinder unbeknown to eny one, but you kin invite all your a mind to go along." "Wal," ses he, "I guess I'll take Chase and Stantin along. I want Stantin so as to ask questions; an if I leave Chase here, he an Seward will git a quarrelin sure as you live. I never see two men so jealous of each other. They both want to be President so bad, that I expect nothin else but some day they'll steal my old boots."