Letters of Peregrine PickleUpton, George P. (George Putnam)
General
Letters of Peregrine Pickle
Upton, George P. (George Putnam)
Chicago (Ill.) -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
Therefore, I am glad babies are going to come into fashion. Just
think of the new topics of conversation, when Mrs. Brown takes her
little three-months up to see Mrs. Jones and her two-months, and the
two Dear Creatures compare colics. The little cherubs will mollify
conversation, and sympathy will take the place of severity. Instead
of gossiping on poor Mrs. Cauliflower's unfortunate but innocent
_faux pas_, the Dear Creatures will soothingly compare notes on
the baby question and discuss the merits of quieting syrups and
puff-boxes. And then there will be the baby reunions, when the great
parlor will be filled with baby chairs, and in each chair will be
a baby in blue ribbon and white muslin, and in each little rosebud
of a mouth will be thrust a dimpled fist. How pleasant it will be
to listen to the artless conversation. When Mrs. Jones' baby says
"goo," Mrs. Brown's baby will answer "goo, goo," and Mrs. Thompson's
baby, whose mother is very talkative, will "goo" a steady stream for
five minutes; and then, when one of the cherubs is affected to tears
by the point of a pin, or an unusually sharp stroke of the colic,
which by so many confiding young mothers has been taken for an angel
talking to the little one, how will they all be affected to tears and
the room resound with the dear little trebles.
But I must draw a veil over the picture. In the universal rush
which will ensue for babies and the competitive result which will
inevitably follow between ward and ward and street and street, there
must be discrimination used. When Mrs. Thompson and Mrs. Johnson sign
articles of agreement as to an _x_ number of babies in _x_ time,
Miss Aurelia and Miss Celeste must remember that, by the rules of
the B. R., they are counted out. I would not advise all to adopt the
fashion, but there are many, and there will be more, unless they
adopt Swedenborg's notion of affinities, who can safely take up the
new fashion.
And I recommend all such to adopt it immediately. As I said before, I
don't know what I should have done if I hadn't been a baby.
June 8, 1867.
_THE CIRCUS._
It is safe to say that nine men out of ten--and the tenth man is
to be sincerely pitied--looking back, find their starting point in
a circus. Next to the maternal shoe, which hung _in terrorem_ over
the Lares and Penates, and which will never fade from the memory,
my most distant recollection is beneath the canvass. Was there ever
such a funny man as the clown? I hung upon his stale wit as Hamlet
hung upon Yorick. Were there ever such angels as those ethereal,
beautiful, gauzy, smiling women who rode round the ring--now, alas,
bandy-legged, lath-armed, tinseled, painted, disconsolate looking
creatures, whose whole world is within the narrow limits of the ring?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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