Letters of Peregrine PickleUpton, George P. (George Putnam)
General
Letters of Peregrine Pickle
Upton, George P. (George Putnam)
Chicago (Ill.) -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
I tell you, my brethren, in this city of Chicago, the Devil is
getting the upper hand, and you must go in on your muscle. Get your
backs up. Stiffen your muscles and then hit like a sledge-hammer. If
old Croesus, in your congregation, is a whiskey-seller, don't be
afraid of him. Hit him on the head so it will hurt. If Free-on-Board
is a professional grain gambler, hit him on the head. If old
Skinflint acts dirtily with his tenants, tell him he is a miserable
old devil. Don't be afraid of him. He will like you all the better
for it. If he won't get down on his knees by fair talking, take hold
of his coat-collar and put him upon his knees.
August 17, 1869.
_THE BOSTON GIRL._
The Boston girl, necessarily, was born in Boston. Necessarily, also,
her ancestors, and she can trace back her lineage to that Thankful
Osgood, who came over in 1640, and owned the cow that laid out the
streets of Boston. The wolf that suckled Romulus was held in no more
respect by the Latins than is the bronzed image of that cow, cast by
Mr. Ball, the sculptor, upon a commission from her father, a solid
man, who lives on Beacon street, in a brown stone front with two
"bow" windows and a brass knocker.
The ambition of every Boston girl is to live in a brown stone front
with two "bow" windows and a brass knocker, before she dies. Having
accomplished that, and attended a course of medical lectures, she is
ready to depart in peace, for after that, all is vanity.
There are three episodes in the life of every Boston girl, viz., the
Frog Pond, the Natural History Rooms, and the Fraternity Lectures.
In her infancy, if so majestic a creature ever had an infancy,
she sailed small boats on the Frog Pond, and was several times
rescued from drowning in its depths, by the same policeman, who
to-day wanders along its stone coping, watching the reflection of
his star in the water, as he did a quarter of a century ago. She
visits the pond daily on her way to the Natural History Rooms, where
she inspects with diurnal increase of solicitude the bones of the
megatherium and the nondescript foeti of human and animal births,
preserved in Boston bottles, filled with Boston spirits.
But the series of Fraternity Lectures is the great fact of the Boston
girl's life. She dotes on Phillips, idolizes Weiss' social problems,
goes into a fine frenzy over Emerson's transcendentalism, and
worships Gail Hamilton and her airy nothings.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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