Now comes the reverse of the medal. In many respects you have remained a
child, and you have become a hypocrite in the bargain. You have not
learned how to conceal your first impulses, but you think you can
reconcile them by having recourse to a variety of petty means. What do
you expect to gain thereby? Do not forget that great and beautiful maxim
of Jonathan Swift: That a lie is too good a thing to be lavished about!
Your magnanimous idea of being severe on yourself will carry you far, no
doubt, and a few years hence you will find yourself in the happy
condition of the Trappist, who, after torturing himself again and again,
should discover one day that, after all, heaven has no existence.
I do not know to what promise you refer, and there are also many other
obscure passages in your letter. We can never bear the same relations to
each other that exist between Madame de X. and myself; the first
condition in the attitude between a brother and sister being unlimited
confidence, and in this respect Madame de X. has spoiled me.
I am silly enough to grieve over that scarf-pin, but I am consoled at
the thought that you also are sorry for it. This is still another
beautiful trait in your character. How flattered your stoicism must have
been at this victory over yourself! You imagine that you are proud, but
I regret to tell you that what you think is pride is only the petty
vanity which one would expect in a religious temperament. It is the
fashion nowadays to preach. Shall you follow it? That would be the
finishing stroke. I must drop this subject, for it always puts me in a
bad humour.
I think I shall not go to Saragossa. I may go possibly to Florence; but
I have quite decided to spend two months in the south of France,
examining churches and Roman ruins. We may run across each other,
perhaps, in some temple or circus. I advise you strongly to go straight
to Naples. If you should have to wait five or six hours at Leghorn,
however, you might employ them better by going to Pisa to see the Campo
Santo. I advise you to see The Dead, by Orcagna, the _Vergonzoso_, and
an antique bust of Julius Caesar. At Civita Vecchia you need see only M.
Bucci, from whom you will want to buy some very old gems. You must give
him my compliments. Then you will go on to Naples. You will stop at The
Victoria, where you will spend several days drinking in the air, and
watching the sky and the sea. You will go now and then to visit the
studios. M. Buonuicci will take you to Pompeii. You will go to Paestum,
and there you must think of me. When you stand in the temple of Neptune,
you may say to yourself that you have seen Greece.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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