Letters to His Son, 1752: On the Fine Art of Becoming a Man of the World and a GentlemanChesterfield, Philip Dormer Stanhope, Earl of
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Letters to His Son, 1752: On the Fine Art of Becoming a Man of the World and a Gentleman
Chesterfield, Philip Dormer Stanhope, Earl of
Conduct of life
I long to see Lord and Lady-------(who are not yet arrived), because they
have lately seen you; and I always fancy, that I can fish out something
new concerning you, from those who have seen you last: not that I shall
much rely upon their accounts, because I distrust the judgment of Lord
and Lady-------, in those matters about which I am most inquisitive. They
have ruined their own son by what they called and thought loving him.
They have made him believe that the world was made for him, not he for
the world; and unless he stays abroad a great while, and falls into very
good company, he will expect, what he will never find, the attentions and
complaisance from others, which he has hitherto been used to from Papa
and Mamma. This, I fear, is too much the case of Mr. ----; who, I doubt,
will be run through the body, and be near dying, before he knows how to
live. However you may turn out, you can never make me any of these
reproaches. I indulged no silly, womanish fondness for you; instead of
inflicting my tenderness upon you, I have taken all possible methods to
make you deserve it; and thank God you do; at least, I know but one
article, in which you are different from what I could wish you; and you
very well know what that is I want: That I and all the world should like
you, as well as I love you. Adieu.
LETTER CLXV
LONDON, April 30, O. S. 1752.
MY DEAR FRIEND: 'Avoir du monde' is, in my opinion, a very just and happy
expression for having address, manners, and for knowing how to behave
properly in all companies; and it implies very truly that a man who hath
not those accomplishments is not of the world. Without them, the best
parts are inefficient, civility is absurd, and freedom offensive. A
learned parson, rusting in his cell, at Oxford or Cambridge, will season
admirably well upon the nature of man; will profoundly analyze the head,
the heart, the reason, the will, the passions, the senses, the
sentiments, and all those subdivisions of we know not what; and yet,
unfortunately, he knows nothing of man, for he hath not lived with him;
and is ignorant of all the various modes, habits, prejudices, and tastes,
that always influence and often determine him. He views man as he does
colors in Sir Isaac Newton's prism, where only the capital ones are seen;
but an experienced dyer knows all their various shades and gradations,
together with the result of their several mixtures. Few men are of one
plain, decided color; most are mixed, shaded, and blended; and vary as
much, from different situations, as changeable silks do form different
lights. The man 'qui a du monde' knows all this from his own experience
and observation: the conceited, cloistered philosopher knows nothing of
it from his own theory; his practice is absurd and improper, and he acts
as awkwardly as a man would dance, who had never seen others dance, nor
learned of a dancing-master; but who had only studied the notes by which
dances are now pricked down as well as tunes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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