Letters to His Son, 1759-65: On the Fine Art of Becoming a Man of the World and a GentlemanChesterfield, Philip Dormer Stanhope, Earl of
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Letters to His Son, 1759-65: On the Fine Art of Becoming a Man of the World and a Gentleman
Chesterfield, Philip Dormer Stanhope, Earl of
Conduct of life
MY DEAR FRIEND: I have received your two letters of the 10th and 13th, by
the last mail; and I will begin my answer to them, by observing to you
that a wise man, without being a Stoic, considers, in all misfortunes
that befall him, their best as well as their worst side; and everything
has a better and a worse side. I have strictly observed that rule for
many years, and have found by experience that some comfort is to be
extracted, under most moral ills, by considering them in every light,
instead of dwelling, as people are too apt to do, upon the gloomy side of
the object. Thank God, the disappointment that you so pathetically groan
under, is not a calamity which admits of no consolation. Let us simplify
it, and see what it amounts to. You are pleased with the expectation of
coming here next month, to see those who would have been pleased with
seeing you. That, from very natural causes, cannot be, and you must pass
this summer at Hamburg, and next winter in England, instead of passing
this summer in England, and next winter at Hamburg. Now, estimating
things fairly, is not the change rather to your advantage? Is not the
summer more eligible, both for health and pleasure, than the winter, in
that northern frozen zone? And will not the winter in England supply you
with more pleasures than the summer, in an empty capital, could have
done? So far then it appears, that you are rather a gainer by your
misfortune.
The TOUR too, which you propose making to Lubeck, Altena, etc., will both
amuse and inform you; for, at your age, one cannot see too many different
places and people; since at the age you are now of, I take it for granted
that you will not see them superficially, as you did when you first went
abroad.
This whole matter then, summed up, amounts to no more than this--that you
will be here next winter, instead of this summer. Do not think that all I
have said is the consolation only of an old philosophical fellow, almost
insensible of pleasure or pain, offered to a young fellow who has quick
sensations of both. No, it is the rational philosophy taught me by
experience and knowledge of the world, and which I have practiced above
thirty years.
I always made the best of the best, and never made bad worse by fretting;
this enabled me to go through the various scenes of life in which I have
been an actor, with more pleasure and less pain than most people. You
will say, perhaps, one cannot change one's nature; and that if a person
is born of a very sensible, gloomy temper, and apt to see things in the
worst light, they cannot help it, nor new-make themselves. I will admit
it, to a certain degree; and but to a certain degree; for though we
cannot totally change our nature, we may in a great measure correct it,
by reflection and philosophy; and some philosophy is a very necessary
companion in this world, where, even to the most fortunate, the chances
are greatly against happiness.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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