Believe, dear Lucie, that I have never had a moment of discouragement as
to the end to be attained. But yet what impatience devours me to see the
end of our atrocious torture!
There are for those who have hearts sorrows so bitter that the pen is
powerless to express them. And this grief, equally poignant for us all,
I hide it in my breast day and night, and not one complaint escapes from
my lips. I accept everything, stifling my heart, my whole being, seeing
only our goal.
I wrote to you in the first days of July a letter which must have
troubled you, my dear Lucie; I was then a prey to fever; I had not
received your letter. Everything came together! And then the human beast
in me awakened, and I cried out in my distress and anguish, as if you
were not suffering enough already. But I reacted against my own lower
nature, I overcame everything, I surmounted my physical as well as my
moral being. Since then I have learned that your letters arrived at
Cayenne without delay; in consequence of a mistake made in forwarding
them, I received them only with your letters of June.
I can only repeat my words, dear Lucie, for you must, as we all must,
fix our eager, unswerving gaze upon the supreme object; we must not
indulge in one moment of lassitude until the end shall have been
attained! The whole truth must be revealed over all France, all the
honor of our name, the patrimony of our children.
Embrace the S----s and their dear children for me. Be sure to tell
Mathieu that if I do not write to him oftener, it is because I know him
too well; I know that his determination will remain as inflexible as
ever, until the day when the light shall burst forth. Thanks for the
good news of the dear, little ones; thank your dear parents and all the
members of our families for their good letters. As for you, my dear
Lucie, strong in your conscience, be invincibly energetic and brave. May
my profound love, our children, and your duty sustain and reanimate you.
Again I embrace you as I love you, with all my strength, as I embrace
also our dear children. Now I am waiting for your good letters of July.
Your devoted
ALFRED.
* * * * *
_3 September, 1896._
Dear Lucie:
They brought me, just now, the mail for July. I found in it only one
poor, little letter from you, that of the 14th of July, although you
ought to have written oftener and more at length; but no matter.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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