Lewis Arundel; Or, The Railroad Of LifeSmedley, Frank E. (Frank Edward)
General
Lewis Arundel; Or, The Railroad Of Life
Smedley, Frank E. (Frank Edward)
English fiction -- 19th century
“I am placed in a position equally painful and difficult, but the best
and most straightforward course I can pursue will be to tell you in as
few words as possible the simple truth, and then leave you to decide
upon my fate. The difficulty! have to encounter is this:--You are an
heiress; I, a portionless younger brother, without a profession, and
brought up in expensive and indolent habits. Were I then to tell you
that I love you, and that the dearest wish of my heart is to call you
mine, how can I expect you to think that I am not actuated by mercenary
motives? to believe that I do indeed, deeply, truly love you, with an
intensity of which I scarcely could have believed my nature capable?
When first I sought your society, I frankly own (and if the admission
ruins my cause I cannot help it, for I will not attempt to deceive you)
it was the report of your riches which attracted me. I considered you
lady-like and agreeable, and this being the case, I would willingly have
done as I saw men of my acquaintance do everyday--married for money; but
as I became intimate with you, and discovered the priceless treasures
of your heart and mind, my views and feelings altered. I soon learned
to love you for yourself alone, and then for the first time, when I
perceived that in marrying you I had everything to gain and nothing
to offer in return, I became fully aware of the meanness of the act I
contemplated--in fact I saw the matter in its true light, and felt
that to ask you to become my wife would be an insult rather than a
compliment. Thus, the more I grew to love you, the less I ventured to
show it, till at last, pride coming to my assistance, I resolved to tear
myself away, and quitted Scotland abruptly, intending never to renew our
intimacy, unless some unexpected stroke of fortune should enable me
to do so on more equal terms. My cousin Annie, however, had it seems
guessed my secret, and invited you here without mentioning her intention
to me till you had actually arrived. Had I acted consistently, I should
have left this place a fortnight ago; but I had suffered so much
during my absence, and the delight of again associating with you was so
overpowering, that I had not sufficient strength of will to carry out
my determination; thus I continued day by day yielding myself to the
fascination of your society, learning to love you more and more, and
yet not daring to tell you so, because I felt the impossibility of
proving--even now it seems absurd to say--my disinterestedness; but that
I loved you for yourself alone. Such had been for some days my state of
feeling, when yesterday I was nearly driven distracted by that man, De
Grandeville, actually selecting me as his confidant, and consulting me
of all people in the world as to the advisability of making you an offer
of marriage, hinting that he had reason to believe such a proposal would
be favourably received by you.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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