person would discover it; but I now recollect that when I have relied on
others I have always been disappointed. Perhaps none may ever discover
it, and the human race has lost its only chance of eternal
happiness."... "I believe that man requires religion. I believe that
there is no true religion now existing. I believe that there will be
one. It will not, after eighteen hundred years of existence, be of
questionable truth and utility, but perhaps in eighteen years be
entirely spread over the earth, an effectual remedy for all human
suffering, and a source of perpetual joy. It will not need immense
learning to be understood, it will be subject to no controversy."...
"Another sufficient reason for suicide is, that I was this morning out
of temper with Mrs. Douglas (for no fault of hers). I did not betray
myself in the least, but I reflected to be exposed to the possibility of
such an event once a year was evil enough to render life intolerable.
The disgrace of using an impatient word is to me overpowering."... "I am
stupefied with writing, and yet I cannot go my long journey without
taking leave of one from whom I have received so much kindness, and from
whose society so much delight. My place is booked in Charon's boat
to-night at twelve. Diana kindly consents to be of the party. This is
handsome of her. She was not looked for on my part. Perhaps she is
willing to acknowledge my obedience to her laws by a genteel compliment.
Good. The gods, then, are grateful." To the coroner and his jury he
wrote, "Let me suggest the following verdict, as combining literal truth
with justice: 'Died by his own hand, but not feloniously.' If I have
offended God, it is for God, not you, to inquire. Especial public duties
I have none. If I have deserted any engagement in society, let the
parties aggrieved consign my name to obloquy. I have for nearly seven
years been disentangling myself from all my engagements, that I might at
last be free to retire from life. I am free to-day, and avail myself of
my liberty. I cannot be a good man, and prefer death to being a bad
one,--as bad as I have been and as others are."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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