England -- Fiction; Psychological fiction; Repression (Psychology) -- Fiction; Single women -- Fiction; Women -- England -- Fiction
They knew what it was now: that horrible thing that even the doctors
were afraid to name. They called it “something malignant.” When the
friends--Mrs. Hancock, Connie Pennefather, Lizzie, and Sarah--called to
inquire, Harriett wouldn’t tell them what it was; she pretended that she
didn’t know, that the doctors weren’t sure; she covered it up from them
as if it had been a secret shame. And they pretended that they didn’t
know. But they knew.
They were talking now about an operation. There was one chance for her
in a hundred if they had Sir James Pargeter: one chance. She might die
of it; she might die under the anæsthetic; she might die of shock; she
was so old and weak. Still, there was that one chance, if only she would
take it.
But her mother wouldn’t listen. “My dear, it would cost a hundred
pounds.”
“How do you know what it would cost?”
“Oh,” she said, “I know.” She was smiling above the sheet that was
tucked close up, tight under her chin, shutting it all down.
Sir James Pargeter would cost a hundred pounds. Harriett couldn’t lay
her hands on the money or on half of it or a quarter. “That doesn’t
matter if they think it’ll save you.”
“They _think;_ they think. But I _know._ I know better than all the
doctors.”
“But Mamma, darling----”
She urged the operation. Just because it would be so difficult to raise
the hundred pounds she urged it. She wanted to feel that she had done
everything that could be done, that she had let nothing stand in the
way, that she had shrunk from no sacrifice. One chance in a hundred.
What was a hundred pounds weighed against that one chance? If it had
been one in a thousand she would have said the same.
“It would be no good, Hatty. I know it wouldn’t. They just love to try
experiments, those doctors. They’re dying to get their knives into me.
Don’t _let_ them.”
Gradually, day by day, Harriett weakened. Her mother’s frightened
voice tore at her, broke her down. Supposing she really died under the
operation? Supposing---- It was cruel to excite and upset her just for
that; it made the pain worse.
Either the operation or the pain, going on and on, stabbing with sharper
and sharper knives; cutting in deeper; all their care, the antiseptics,
the restoratives, dragging it out, giving it more time to torture her.
When the three friends came, Harriett said, “I shall be glad and
thankful when it’s all over. I couldn’t want to keep her with me, just
for this.”
Yet she did want it. She was thankful every morning that she came to her
mother’s bed and found her alive, lying there, looking at her with her
wonderful smile. She was glad because she still had her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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