As the first year of married life goes, Charlotte's first year was
fairly successful. She knew Blake's faults already, and had made up
her mind to them, and if there was a frank indifference in his quiet
languor, she had made up her mind to that, too. He was never unkind,
and there were times when some fresh evidence of her devotion to him
would touch him into an appreciation that was almost responsive. And
there were other times when she would find him looking at her with an
expression which any other observer might have classed as pity, but
which she counted as tenderness. On the whole, it seemed to her that
time was bringing them together, as she had counted that it would, and
with this hope her face lost its sharp outlines.
Her first heavy chagrin was at the time of her baby's birth. When
Blake came into the room to inquire for her, and she turned down the
bed-cover to show him the little bundle at her side, a look of pain
and aversion flashed across his face, and he moved away, begging her
not to show the baby to him until it was older. On another day she
tried to make him select a name for it, and he refused.
"Call it anything you please," he said at first, but she would not let
him go at that.
"I've been thinking," she suggested, with a hesitation that was
foreign to her,--"I've been thinking of calling her for your
mother--Dorcas."
They were alone in the room, and he was sitting by her bed, but
looking away from her into the corner of the room, while she looked
anxiously at him. At her words he started, flashing a keen glance at
her. "Why should we name her that?" he asked.
There was something so sharply disturbed in his manner, and his
distaste for the idea was so evident, that Charlotte flushed in
extreme embarrassment.
"I thought you might like to," she explained.
"Well, I wouldn't,--I--I don't think the name's pretty in itself," he
declared; adding, with a great effort to speak naturally, "I'd rather
name her for you."
Charlotte's lips came together so closely that all the unpleasant
lines showed around them. "I certainly shall not name her for myself,"
she said. "You must think of some other name."
Blake got to his feet. "That's the only one I can think of," he said.
"If you don't like it, you can take some other. It's your affair, not
mine."
Charlotte's eyes flashed and then filled with tears, for she was very
weak. "If I were asking you to father some other man's child, you
couldn't act more as if you despised me," she sobbed.
He turned as he was leaving the room and gave her a long look full of
exasperation, repugnance, and despair. "You are quite mistaken," he
said. "I don't despise you. I despise myself."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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