Jesuit who preceded me. No one acquainted with the Inquisition will say
that my precaution was needless. My imagination was so filled with the
horrors of this place, that even in my short, interrupted, and feverish
dreams I beheld daggers and axes glittering around me; I heard the noise
of wheels, saw burning piles and heated irons, and woke in convulsive
terror, only to give myself up to gloomy reflections, inspired by the
reality of my situation, and the impressions left by these nocturnal
visions. What tears did I shed in those dreary moments! How innumerable
were the bitter wounds that lacerated my heart! My prayers seemed to me
unworthy to be received by a God of charity, because, notwithstanding
all my efforts to banish from my soul every feeling of resentment
towards my persecutors, hatred returned with redoubled power. I often
repeated the words of Christ, 'Father, forgive them, they know not what
they do;' but immediately a voice would answer, 'This prayer is not
intended for the Jesuits; they resemble not the crucifiers, who were
blind instruments of the rage of the Jews; while these men are fully
conscious of what they are doing; they are the modern Pharisees.' The
reading of the Bible would have afforded me great consolation, but this
was denied me." * * *
The fourteenth day of his imprisonment he was taken to the council
to hear his sentence, when he was again urged to sign the form of
recantation. But he refused. The Father Rossini then spoke: "You are
decided; let it be, then, as you deserve. Rebellious son of the church,
in the fullness of the power which she has received from Christ, you
shall feel the holy rigor of her laws. She cannot permit tares to grow
with the good seed. She cannot suffer you to remain among her sons and
become the stumbling-block for the ruin of many. Abandon, therefore,
all hope of leaving this place, and of returning to dwell among the
faithful. KNOW, ALL IS FINISHED FOR YOU!"
For the conclusion of this narrative we refer the reader to the volume
itself.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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