"At the sight of this man, resentment overcame every other
consideration, and I advanced towards him fully prepared to indulge my
feelings, when he, with his usual smile, expressed in bland words
his deep regret at having been the cause of my long detention in this
retreat. 'Never could I have supposed,' said he, 'that my anxiety
for the salvation of your soul would have brought you into so much
tribulation. But rest assured the fault is not entirely mine. You have
yourself, in a great degree, by your useless obstinacy, been the cause
of your sufferings. Ah, well, we will yet remedy all.' Not feeling any
confidence in his assurance, I burst out into bitter invectives and
fierce words. He then renewed his protestations, and clothed them with
such a semblance of honesty and truth, that when he ended with this
tender conclusion, 'Be assured, my son, that I love you,' my anger
vanished. * * * I lost sight of the Jesuit, and thought I was addressing
a man, a being capable of sympathising in the distresses of others. 'Ah,
well, father,' said I, 'I need some one on whom I can rely, some one
towards whom I can feel kindly; I will therefore place confidence in
your words.'" After some further conversation, Ciocci was asked if
he wished to leave that place. "If I desire it!" he replied, "what a
strange question! You might as well ask a condemned soul whether he
desires to escape from hell!" At these words the Jesuit started like a
goaded animal, and, forgetting his mission of deceiver, with, knit brows
and compressed lips, he allowed his ferocious soul for one moment
to appear; but, having grown old in deceit, he immediately had the
circumspection to give this movement of rage the appearance of religious
zeal, and exclaimed, "What comparisons are these? Are you not ashamed to
assume the language of the Atheist? By speaking in this way you clearly
manifest how little you deserve to leave this place. But since I have
told you that I love you, I will give you a proof of it by thinking no
more of those irreligious expressions; they shall be forgotten as though
they had never been spoken. Well, the Cardinal proposes to you an easy
way of returning to your monastery." "What does he propose?" "Here is
the way," said he, presenting me with a paper: "copy this with your
own hand; nothing more will be required of you." "I took the paper with
convulsive eagerness. It was a recantation of my faith, there condemned
as erroneous. * * * Upon reading this, I shuddered, and, starting to my
feet, in a solemn attitude and with a firm voice, exclaimed, 'Kill me,
if you please; my life is in your power; but never will I subscribe
to that iniquitous formulary.' The Jesuit, after laboring in vain
to persuade me to his wishes, went away in anger. I now momentarily
expected to be conducted to the torture. Whenever I was taken from my
room to the chapel, I feared lest some trap-door should open beneath
my feet, and therefore took great care to tread in the footsteps of the
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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