On my arrival at the nunnery, I was placed under the care of a lady whom
they called a Superior. She took me into a room alone, and told me that
the priest would come to me in the morning to hear confession, and I
must confess to him all my sins. "What are sins?" I asked, and, "How
shall I confess? I don't know what it means." "Don't know what sins
are!" she exclaimed in great astonishment "Why, child, I am surprised
that you should be so ignorant! Where have you lived all your days?"
With all the simplicity of childhood, I replied, "With my father;
and once I lived with my grandfather; but they didn't tell me how to
confess." "Well," said she, "you must tell the priest all your wicked
thoughts, words, and actions." "What is wicked?" I innocently asked.
"If you have ever told an untruth;" she replied, "or taken what did not
belong to you, or been in any way naughty, disobedient, or unkind; if
you have been angry, or quarrelled with your playmates, that was wicked,
and you must tell the priest all about it If you try to conceal, or
keep back anything, the priest will know it and punish you. You cannot
deceive him if you try, for he knows all you do, or say, or even think;
and if you attempt it, you'll only get yourself into trouble. But if
you are resolved to be a good girl, kind, gentle, frank, sincere, and
obedient, the priest will love you, and be kind to you."
When I was conducted to my room, at bedtime, I rejoiced to find in it
several little cot beds, occupied by little girls about my own age, who
had been, like myself, consigned to the tender mercies of priests and
nuns. I thought if we must live in that great gloomy house, which even
to my childish imagination seemed so much like a prison, we could
in some degree dispel our loneliness and mitigate our sorrows, by
companionship and sympathy. But I was soon made to know that even this
small comfort would not be allowed us, for the Superior, as she assisted
me to bed, told me that I must not speak, or groan, or turn upon my
side, or move in any way; for if I made the least noise or disturbance,
I would be severely punished. She assured me that if we disobeyed in the
least particular, she would know it, even if she was not present, and
deal with us accordingly. She said that when the clock struck twelve,
the bell would ring for prayers; that we must then rise, and kneel with
our heads bowed upon the bed, and repeat the prayer she taught us. When,
at length, she left us, locking the door after her, I was so frightened,
I did not dare to sleep, lest I should move, or fail to awake at the
proper time.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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