believe it yourselves, not one of you."
She sat down, and they put a cap over her head and face, drew it tight
around her neck, adjusted the rope, and she was launched into eternity.
To me it seemed a horrid thing, and I could not look upon her dying
struggles. I did not justify the girl in what she had done, yet I knew
that the woman would have died if she had let her alone; and I also knew
that worse things than that were done in the nunnery almost every day,
and that too by the very men who had taken her life. I left the chapel
with a firm resolve to make one more effort to escape from a thraldom
that everyday became more irksome.
At the door the Abbess met me, and led me to a room I had never seen
before, where, to my great surprise, I found my bed. She said it was
removed by her order, and in future I was to sleep in that room. "What!
sleep here alone?" I exclaimed, quite forgetting, in the agitation of
the moment, the rule of silent obedience. But she did not condescend
to notice either my question or the unpleasant feelings which must have
been visible in my features. I did feel very much troubled. I had never
slept in a room alone a night in my life. Another nun always occupied
the room with me, and when she was absent, as she often was when under
punishment, the Abbess slept there, so that I was never alone. I did
not often meet the girl with whom I slept, as she did not work in the
kitchen, but whenever I did, I felt as pleased as though she had been my
sister. Yet I never spoke to her, nor did she ever attempt to converse
with me. Yes, strange as it may seem, incredible as my reader may think
it, it is a fact, that during all the years we slept together, not one
word ever passed between us. We did not even dare to communicate our
thoughts by signs, lest the Abbess should detect us.
That night I spent in my new room; but I could not sleep. I had heard
strange hints about some room where no one could sleep, and where no one
liked to go, though for what reason I could never learn. When I first
entered, I discovered that the floor was badly stained, and, while
speculating on the cause of those stains, I came to the conclusion that
this was the room to which so much mystery was attached. It was
very dark, with no window in it, situated in the midst of the house,
surrounded by other rooms, and no means of ventilation except the door.
I did not close my eyes during the whole night. I imagined that the door
opened and shut, that persons were walking in the room, and I am
certain that I heard noises near my bed for which I could not account.
Altogether, it was the most uncomfortable night I ever spent, and
I believe that few persons would have felt entirely at ease in my
situation.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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