Life's Little Ironies: A set of tales with some colloquial sketches entitled A Few Crusted CharactersHardy, Thomas
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Life's Little Ironies: A set of tales with some colloquial sketches entitled A Few Crusted Characters
Hardy, Thomas
Short stories, English; Wessex (England) -- Fiction
‘No, no; you must tell it, neighbour, if anybody,’ said several; a
request in which Mr. Lackland joined, adding that the Satchel family
was one he had known well before leaving home.
‘I’ll just mention, as you be a stranger,’ whispered the carrier to
Lackland, ‘that Christopher’s stories will bear pruning.’
The emigrant nodded.
‘Well, I can soon tell it,’ said the master-thatcher, schooling himself
to a tone of actuality. ‘Though as it has more to do with the pa’son
and clerk than with Andrey himself, it ought to be told by a better
churchman than I.’
ANDREY SATCHEL AND THE PARSON AND CLERK
‘It all arose, you must know, from Andrey being fond of a drop of drink
at that time—though he’s a sober enough man now by all account, so much
the better for him. Jane, his bride, you see, was somewhat older than
Andrey; how much older I don’t pretend to say; she was not one of our
parish, and the register alone may be able to tell that. But, at any
rate, her being a little ahead of her young man in mortal years,
coupled with other bodily circumstances—’
(‘Ah, poor thing!’ sighed the women.)
‘—made her very anxious to get the thing done before he changed his
mind; and ’twas with a joyful countenance (they say) that she, with
Andrey and his brother and sister-in-law, marched off to church one
November morning as soon as ’twas day a’most, to be made one with
Andrey for the rest of her life. He had left our place long before it
was light, and the folks that were up all waved their lanterns at him,
and flung up their hats as he went.
‘The church of her parish was a mile and more from the houses, and, as
it was a wonderful fine day for the time of year, the plan was that as
soon as they were married they would make out a holiday by driving
straight off to Port Bredy, to see the ships and the sea and the
sojers, instead of coming back to a meal at the house of the distant
relation she lived wi’, and moping about there all the afternoon.
‘Well, some folks noticed that Andrey walked with rather wambling steps
to church that morning; the truth o’t was that his nearest neighbour’s
child had been christened the day before, and Andrey, having stood
godfather, had stayed all night keeping up the christening, for he had
said to himself, “Not if I live to be thousand shall I again be made a
godfather one day, and a husband the next, and perhaps a father the
next, and therefore I’ll make the most of the blessing.” So that when
he started from home in the morning he had not been in bed at all. The
result was, as I say, that when he and his bride-to-be walked up the
church to get married, the pa’son (who was a very strict man inside the
church, whatever he was outside) looked hard at Andrey, and said, very
sharp:
‘“How’s this, my man? You are in liquor. And so early, too. I’m ashamed
of you!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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