Lincoln's yarns and stories : $b A complete collection of the funny and witty anecdotes that made Lincoln famous as America's greatest story tellerMcClure, Alexander K. (Alexander Kelly)
History
Lincoln's yarns and stories : $b A complete collection of the funny and witty anecdotes that made Lincoln famous as America's greatest story teller
McClure, Alexander K. (Alexander Kelly)
Lincoln, Abraham, 1809-1865 -- Anecdotes
Once, when Lincoln was pleading a case, the opposing lawyer had all the
advantage of the law; the weather was warm, and his opponent, as was
admissible in frontier courts, pulled off his coat and vest as he grew
warm in the argument.
At that time, shirts with buttons behind were unusual. Lincoln took in
the situation at once. Knowing the prejudices of the primitive people
against pretension of all sorts, or any affectation of superior social
rank, arising, he said: “Gentlemen of the jury, having justice on my
side, I don’t think you will be at all influenced by the gentleman’s
pretended knowledge of the law, when you see he does not even know which
side of his shirt should be in front.” There was a general laugh, and
Lincoln’s case was won.
A MISCHIEVOUS OX.
President Lincoln once told the following story of Colonel W., who had
been elected to the Legislature, and had also been judge of the County
Court. His elevation, however, had made him somewhat pompous, and he
became very fond of using big words. On his farm he had a very large and
mischievous ox, called “Big Brindle,” which very frequently broke down
his neighbors’ fences, and committed other depredations, much to the
Colonel’s annoyance.
One morning after breakfast, in the presence of Lincoln, who had stayed
with him over night, and who was on his way to town, he called his
overseer and said to him:
“Mr. Allen, I desire you to impound ‘Big Brindle,’ in order that I may
hear no animadversions on his eternal depredations.”
Allen bowed and walked off, sorely puzzled to know what the Colonel
wanted him to do. After Colonel W. left for town, he went to his wife
and asked her what the Colonel meant by telling him to impound the ox.
“Why, he meant to tell you to put him in a pen,” said she.
Allen left to perform the feat, for it was no inconsiderable one, as
the animal was wild and vicious, but, after a great deal of trouble and
vexation, succeeded.
“Well,” said he, wiping the perspiration from his brow and
soliloquizing, “this is impounding, is it? Now, I am dead sure that the
Colonel will ask me if I impounded ‘Big Brindle,’ and I’ll bet I puzzle
him as he did me.”
The next day the Colonel gave a dinner party, and as he was not
aristocratic, Allen, the overseer, sat down with the company. After the
second or third glass was discussed, the Colonel turned to the overseer
and said:
“Eh, Mr. Allen, did you impound ‘Big Brindle,’ sir?”
Allen straightened himself, and looking around at the company, replied:
“Yes, I did, sir; but ‘Old Brindle’ transcended the impanel of the
impound, and scatterlophisticated all over the equanimity of the
forest.”
The company burst into an immoderate fit of laughter, while the
Colonel’s face reddened with discomfiture.
“What do you mean by that, sir?” demanded the Colonel.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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