Here in Dodge's room she was as placid, almost, as though she were in
the library at home. That customary term took its place in her thoughts
before she recognized that, with her, it had shifted. However, it was
unimportant--home had never been a magical word to her; it belonged in
the vast category which, of such universal weight, left her unstirred.
She resembled those Eastern people restlessly and perpetually moving
across sandy deserts as they exhausted, one after another, widely
separated scanty oases.
She studied the objects around her with the pleased recognition that
they were unique, valuable, and in faultless taste. Then she fell to
wondering at the difference had Dodge been poor: she would have come to
him, Linda knew, just the same. But, she admitted frankly, it would
have been uncomfortable. Perhaps that--actual poverty, actual
deprivation--was what her character needed. A popular sentiment upheld
such a view; she decided it was without foundation. There was no reason
why beauty, finely appropriate surroundings, should damage the spirit.
Her mind turned to an examination of her desertion of Arnaud, but she
could find no trace of conventional regret; of what, she felt, her
sensation ought to be. The instinctive revolt from oblivion was an
infinitely stronger reality than any allegiance to abstract duty. She
was consumed by the passionate need to preserve the integrity of being
herself. The word selfish occurred to her but to be met unabashed by the
query, why not? Selfishness was a reproach applied by those who failed
to get what they wanted to all who succeeded. Linda wasn't afraid of
public opinion, censure; she didn't shrink even from the injury to her
husband. What Dodge would think, however, was hidden from her.
She had no doubt of his complete acceptance of all she offered; ordinary
obligations to society bound him as little as they held her. It would be
enough that she wanted to come to him.
She would bother him, change his habit of living, very little. Long
years of loneliness had taught her to be self-sufficient. Linda would
be too wise to insist on distasteful regularity in the interest of a
comparatively unimportant well-being. In short, she wouldn't bother him.
That must be made clear at once.
More than anything else he would be inexpressibly delighted to have her
with him, to find--at last--his love. Little intimacies of satin
mules, glimpses, charming to an artist! He'd be faultless, too, in the
relationships where Arnaud as well had never for a moment deviated from
beautiful consideration. Two remarkable men. While her deficiency in
humor was admitted, she saw a glimmer of the absurd in her attitude and
present situation. The combination, at least, was uncommon. There had
been no change in her feeling for either Arnaud or Dodge, their places
in her being were undisturbed; she liked her husband no less, Dodge no
better.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account