She doubted if she could bring them to comprehend what had happened--to
her. Or if Arnaud understood, if she made it plain, what good would be
done! That wouldn't save her, put her back again on the pedestal. The
latter was necessary. Linda recognized that a great deal of her feeling
was based on pride; but it was a pride entirely justified. She had no
intention of submitting to the coarse hands and ropes of public affront.
Throughout her life she had rebelled against any profanation of her
person, she had hated to be touched.
Every instinct, she found, every delicate self-opinion, was bound into
Pleydon's success; the latter had kept her alive. Without it existence
would have been intolerable. It was unbearable now.
She discharged the small daily duties of her efficient housekeeping with
a contemptuous exactness; for years she had accomplished, in herself,
nothing more. But at last a break had come. Linda recognized this
without any knowledge of what reparation it would find. She wasn't
concerned with that, a small detail. It would be apparent. Arnaud
was silent through dinner; tired, it seemed. She saw him as if at the
distant end of a dull corridor--as she looked back. There was no change
in her liking for him. Mechanically she noticed the disorder of his
scant hair and rumpled sleeves.
Not until, waking sharply, in the middle of the night, did she have a
glimpse of a possible course--she might live with Dodge and perfectly
express both her retaliation and her accomplishment. In that way she
would reestablish herself beside him and place their vision in bronze on
an elevation beyond the spite of the envious and the blind.
It was so directly simple that she was surprised it hadn't occurred
to her before. The possibility had always been a part, unsuspected and
valuable, of her special being; the largely condemned faults of
her character and experience had at least brought her this--a not
inconsiderable freedom in a world everywhere barred by the necessity
for upholding a hypocritical show of superiority to honest desire. The
detachment that deprived her of life's conventional joys released
her from its common obligations. That conviction, however, was too
intimately connected with all her inheritance to bring her any conscious
dramatic sense of rebellion or high feeling of justified indignation.
Sleep had deserted her, and she waited for the dawn in the windows that
would bring her escape. It was very slow coming; the blackness took on
a grayer tone, like ink with added faint infusions of water. Slowly the
blackness dissolved and she heard the stir of the sparrows in the ivy.
There was the passing rumble of an early electric car on the paved aged
street, the blurred hurried shuffle of a workman's clumsy shoes. The
brightening morning was cool with a premonitory touch of frost; at the
window she saw a vanishing silver sheen on the lawn and board fence.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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