Germany -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
Linda, as soon as she was alone, sat down with her hands before her
and with her eyes fixed, gazing on vacancy, in order that she might
realise to herself the thing proposed to her. She had said very
little to her aunt of the nature of the misery which such a marriage
seemed to offer to her,--not because her imagination made for her
no clear picture on the subject, not because she did not foresee
unutterable wretchedness in such a union. The picture of such
wretchedness had been very palpable to her. She thought that no
consideration on earth would induce her to take that mean-faced old
man to her breast as her husband, her lord--as the one being whom
she was to love beyond everybody else in this world. The picture was
clear enough, but she had argued to herself, unconsciously, that any
description of that picture to her aunt would seem to suppose that
the consummation of the picture was possible. She preferred therefore
to declare that the thing was impossible,--an affair the completion
of which would be quite out of the question. Instead of assuring her
aunt that it would have made her miserable to have to look after
Peter Steinmarc's wine, she at once protested that she never would
take upon herself that duty. "I am not his of right," she had said;
and as she said it, she resolved that she would adhere to that
protest. But when she was alone she remembered her aunt's demand, her
own submissiveness, her old habits of obedience, and above all she
remembered the fear that would come over her that she was giving
herself to the devil in casting from her her obedience on such a
subject, and then she became very wretched. She told herself that
sooner or later her aunt would conquer her, that sooner or later that
mean-faced old man, with his snuffy fingers, and his few straggling
hairs brushed over his bald pate, with his big shoes spreading here
and there because of his corns, and his ugly, loose, square, snuffy
coat, and his old hat which he had worn so long that she never liked
to touch it, would become her husband, and that it would be her
duty to look after his wine, and his old shoes, and his old hat,
and to have her own little possessions doled out to her by his
penuriousness. Though she continued to swear to herself that heaven
and earth together should never make her become Herr Steinmarc's
wife, yet at the same time she continued to bemoan the certainty of
her coming fate. If they were both against her--both, with the Lord
on their sides--how could she stand against them with nothing to aid
her,--nothing, but the devil, and a few words spoken to her by one
whom hitherto she had never dared to answer?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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