Here is a copy of a quaint letter sent to another king. It was written by Dr. Schmidt, sacristan of the Cathedral at Berlin, to Frederick of Prussia: "Sire,--I acquaint your Majesty, 1st, that they are wanting books of psalms for the Royal Family. I acquaint your Majesty, 2ndly, that there wants wood to warm the Royal seats. And I acquaint your Majesty, 3rdly, that the balustrade next the river, behind the church, is become ruinous. Schmidt, Sacristan of the Cathedral." In reply to the foregoing diverting communication the king wrote:-- "I acquaint Mr. Sacrist Schmidt, 1st, that they who want to sing songs may buy books. I acquaint Mr. Sacrist Schmidt, 2ndly, that those who want to be kept warm may buy wood. I acquaint Mr. Sacrist Schmidt, 3rdly, that I shall not trust any longer to the balustrade next to the river; and I acquaint Mr. Sacrist Schmidt, 4thly, that I will not have any more correspondence with him. Frederick." The following phonographic curiosity is extracted from the _Times_. It was written by an unsophisticated person to his physician, in Lancashire:-- "Cer yole oblige me uf yole kum and ce me i hev a bad kowld an am hill in mi bow hills an hev lorst mi happetite. Roger Trooman." One Highlander wrote to another the following smart letter:-- "My dear Glengarry,--As soon as you can prove yourself to be my chief, I shall be ready to acknowledge you. In the meantime I am yours, MacDonald." The Duke of Wellington engaged an intelligent Scotch farmer, named Heriot, to act as his private secretary. "Walking in the city one day," says the Rev. Dr. Charles Rogers, "Mr. Heriot met an old acquaintance from Scotland." "Hallo! Heriot," said his friend, "what are you doing in London?" "I am secretary to the Duke of Wellington," answered Heriot. "You are nothing of the sort," said the Scotsman; "and I fear you're doing little good, since you would impose upon me in this fashion." Returning to Scotland, it occurred to Heriot's acquaintance that he would write to the Duke, warning him that one Heriot "had been passing himself off as his secretary." He received the following reply: "Sir,--I am directed by the Duke of Wellington to acknowledge the receipt of your letter; and I am, Your obedient servant, J. Heriot, Private Secretary." A captain being ordered with his regiment to the Cape, made application to the Duke of Wellington for permission to try and arrange for a transfer to another corps. The "Iron Duke" merely turned up his letter and wrote "Sail or sell," and returned it to the applicant.