Produced by Phil McLaury, Juliet Sutherland, Charles Franks and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. LITTLE CITIZENS The Humours of School Life BY MYRA KELLY ILLUSTRATED BY W. D. STEVENS TO MY MOTHER CONTENTS A Little Matter of Real Estate The Uses of Adversity A Christmas Present for a Lady Love Among the Blackboards Morris and the Honourable Tim When a Man's Widowed H.R.H. The Prince of Hester Street The Land Of Heart's Desire A Passport to Paradise The Touch of Nature LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS "Say, Teacher, I got something for you". _Frontispiece_ Isidore Belchatosky, the Adonis of the class "I got two swollen legs over her" "My dear little chap, you mustn't cry like that" "Dismissed with the common herd at three o'clock" "I must ask you to leave this room" "Teacher, I tells you 'scuse" "So you want lick, so you can lick" "She's a beautiful yonge uptown lady, but easy scared. Oh, awful easy scared!" "Don't you dast to touch me," he yelled "Look at your back!" "You'll wish you minded your own ---- business before I get through with you." Morris Mogilewsky "I washes me the face" "Ain't you never comin' on the school for to see mine teacher?" A LITTLE MATTER OF REAL ESTATE Four weeks of teaching in a lower East Side school had deprived Constance Bailey of many of the "Ideals in Education" which, during four years at college, she had trustingly acquired. But, despite many discouragements, despite an unintelligible dialect and an autocratic "Course of Study," she clung to an ambition to establish harmony in her kingdom and to impress a high moral tone upon the fifty-eight little children of Israel entrusted to her care. She was therefore troubled and heavy of heart when it was borne in upon her that two of her little flock--cousins to boot, and girls--had so far forgotten the Golden Rule as to be "mad on theirselves und wouldn't to talk even," as that Bureau of Fashionable Intelligence, Sarah Schrodsky, duly reported. "Und Teacher," Sarah continued, "Eva Gonorowsky's mamma has a mad on Sadie Gonorowsky's mamma, und her papa has a mad on her papa, und her gran'ma has a mad on both of papas und both of mammas, und her gran'pa has a mad somethin' fierce on both of uncles, und her auntie--" Here Miss Bailey sent the too communicative Sarah to her place and called the divided house of Gonorowsky to her desk for instant judgment. And as she held forth she was delighted to see that her words were falling upon good ground, for the dark and dainty features of her hearers expressed a flattering degree of conviction and of humility. She was admiring the wonderful lashes lying damp and dark on Eva's smooth cheek when the beautiful eyes unclosed, gazed straight across the desk at Sadie, and Eva took a flying leap into Teacher's lap to cling with arms and knees and fingers to her chosen refuge. "Oh, Teacher, Teacher," she wailed, "Sadie makes on me such a snoot I got a scare over it."