Little Masterpieces of American Wit and Humor, Volume I
General
Little Masterpieces of American Wit and Humor, Volume I
American wit and humor
The honest folks of New Amsterdam began to quake now for the fate of
their matchless champion, Antony the Trumpeter, who had acquired
prodigious favor in the eyes of the women by means of his whiskers and
his trumpet. Him did Peter the Headstrong cause to be brought into his
presence, and eying him for a moment from head to foot, with a
countenance that would have appalled anything else than a sounder of
brass--"Pr'ythee, who and what art thou?" said he.
"Sire," replied the other, in no wise dismayed, "for my name, it is
Antony Van Corlear; for my parentage, I am the son of my mother; for my
profession, I am champion and garrison of this great city of New
Amsterdam." "I doubt me much," said Peter Stuyvesant, "that thou art
some scurvy costard-monger knave. How didst thou acquire this paramount
honor and dignity?" "Marry, sir," replied the other, "like many a great
man before me, simply _by sounding my own trumpet_." "Ay, is it so?"
quoth the Governor; "why, then, let us have a relish of thy art."
Whereupon the good Antony put his instrument to his lips, and sounded a
charge with such a tremendous outset, such a delectable quaver, and such
a triumphant cadence, that it was enough to make one's heart leap out of
one's mouth only to be within a mile of it. Like as a war-worn charger,
grazing in peaceful plains, starts at a strain of martial music, pricks
up his ears, and snorts, and paws, and kindles at the noise, so did the
heroic Peter joy to hear the clangor of the trumpet; for of him might
truly be said, what was recorded of the renowned St. George of England,
"there was nothing in all the world that more rejoiced his heart than to
hear the pleasant sound of war, and see the soldiers brandish forth
their steeled weapons." Casting his eye more kindly, therefore, upon the
sturdy Van Corlear, and finding him to be a jovial varlet, shrewd in his
discourse, yet of great discretion and immeasurable wind, he straightway
conceived a vast kindness for him, and discharging him from the
troublesome duty of garrisoning, defending and alarming the city, ever
after retained him about his person as his chief favorite, confidential
envoy and trusty squire. Instead of disturbing the city with disastrous
notes, he was instructed to play so as to delight the Governor while at
his repasts, as did the minstrels of yore in the days of the glorious
chivalry--and on all public occasions to rejoice the ears of the people
with warlike melody thereby keeping alive a noble and martial spirit.
GENERAL VAN POFFENBURGH
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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