Apropos of Superintendent Andrews's reported objection to the singing of the "Recessional" in the Chicago public schools on the ground that the atheists might be offended, the _Chicago Post_ says: For the benefit of our skittish friends, the atheists, and in order not to deprive the public-school children of the literary beauties of certain poems that may be classed by Doctor Andrews as "hymns," we venture to suggest this compromise, taking a few lines in illustration from our National anthem: "Our fathers' God--assuming purely for the sake of argument that there is a God--to Thee, Author of liberty--with apologies to our friends, the atheists-- To Thee I sing--but we needn't mean it, you know. Long may our land be bright, With freedom's holy light; Protect us by Thy might--remember, this is purely hypothetical---- Great God--again assuming that there is a God--our king--simply an allegorical phrase and not intended offensively to any taxpayer." OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES THE DEACON'S MASTERPIECE; Or, the Wonderful "One-hoss Shay" A LOGICAL STORY Have you heard of the wonderful one-hoss shay That was built in such a logical way, It ran a hundred years to a day, And then, of a sudden, it--ah, but stay, I'll tell you what happened without delay, Scaring the parson into fits, Frightening people out of their wits---- Have you ever heard of that, I say? Seventeen hundred and fifty-five. _Georgius Secundus_ was then alive---- Snuffy old drone from the German hive. That was the year when Lisbon-town Saw the earth open and gulp her down, And Braddock's army was done so brown, Left without a scalp to its crown. It was on the terrible Earthquake day That the Deacon finished the one-hoss shay. Now in building of chaises, I tell you what, There is always _somewhere_ a weakest spot---- In hub, tire, felloe, in spring or thill, In panel, or crossbar, or floor, or sill, In screw, bolt, thoroughbrace--lurking still, Find it somewhere you must and will---- Above or below, or within or without---- And that's the reason, beyond a doubt, That a chaise _breaks down_, but doesn't _wear out_. But the Deacon swore (as deacons do, With an "I dew vum," or an "I tell _yeou_") He would build one shay to beat the taown 'N' the keounty, 'n' all the kentry raoun'; It should be so built that it _couldn'_ break daown: --"Fur," said the Deacon, "'t's mighty plain Thut the weakes' place mus' stan' the strain; 'N' the way t' fix it, uz I maintain, Is only jest T' make that place uz strong uz the rest."