Little Masterpieces of American Wit and Humor, Volume II
General
Little Masterpieces of American Wit and Humor, Volume II
American wit and humor
"Yes," answered the old man, "I know it. I was that little boy."
AN EPITAPH
Here lies the body of Susan Lowder
Who burst while drinking Seidlitz powder.
Called from this world to her heavenly rest,
She should have waited till it effervesced.
THOMAS BAILEY ALDRICH
A RIVERMOUTH ROMANCE
At five o'clock of the morning of the tenth of July, 1860, the front
door of a certain house on Anchor Street, in the ancient seaport town
of Rivermouth, might have been observed to open with great caution.
This door, as the least imaginative reader may easily conjecture,
did not open itself. It was opened by Miss Margaret Callaghan, who
immediately closed it softly behind her, paused for a few seconds with
an embarrassed air on the stone step, and then, throwing a furtive
glance up at the second-story windows, passed hastily down the street
toward the river, keeping close to the fences and garden walls on her
left.
There was a ghostlike stealthiness to Miss Margaret's movements, though
there was nothing whatever of the ghost about Miss Margaret herself.
She was a plump, short person, no longer young, with coal-black hair
growing low on the forehead, and a round face that would have been
nearly meaningless if the features had not been emphasized--italicized,
so to speak--by the smallpox. Moreover, the brilliancy of her toilet
would have rendered any ghostly hypothesis untenable. Mrs. Solomon (we
refer to the dressiest Mrs. Solomon, whichever one that was) in all
her glory was not arrayed like Miss Margaret on that eventful summer
morning. She wore a light-green, shot-silk frock, a blazing red shawl,
and a yellow crape bonnet profusely decorated with azure, orange and
magenta artificial flowers. In her hand she carried a white parasol.
The newly risen sun, ricochetting from the bosom of the river and
striking point-blank on the top-knot of Miss Margaret's gorgeousness,
made her an imposing spectacle in the quiet street of that Puritan
village. But, in spite of the bravery of her apparel, she stole
guiltily along by garden walls and fences until she reached a small,
dingy frame house near the wharves, in the darkened doorway of which
she quenched her burning splendor, if so bold a figure is permissible.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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