There are thoughts that never emerge into consciousness, which yet make
their influence felt among the perceptible mental currents, just as the
unseen planets sway the movements of those which are watched and mapped
by the astronomer. Old prejudices that are ashamed to confess themselves
nudge our talking thought to utter their magisterial veto. In hours of
languor, as Mr. Lecky has remarked in his "History of Rationalism," the
beliefs and fancies of obsolete conditions are apt to take advantage of
us. We know very little of the contents of our minds until some sudden
jar brings them to light, as an earthquake that shakes down a miser's
house brings out the old stockings full of gold and all the hoards that
have been hidden away in holes and crannies.
We not rarely find our personality doubled in our dreams and do battle
with ourselves, unconscious that we are our own antagonists. Dr. Johnson
dreamed that he had a contest of wit with an opponent, and got the worst
of it: of course he furnished the wit for both. Tartini heard the Devil
play a wonderful sonata and set it down on waking. Who was the Devil but
Tartini himself? I remember, in my youth, reading verses in a dream,
written, as I thought, by a rival fledgling of the Muse. They were so
far beyond my powers that I despaired of equalling them; yet I must have
made them unconsciously as I read them. Could I only have remembered
them waking!
But I must here add another personal experience, of which I will say
beforehand--somewhat as honest Isaak Walton said of his pike, "This dish
of meat is too good for any but anglers or honest men"--this story is
good only for philosophers and very small children. I will merely hint
to the former class of thinkers, that its moral bears on two points:
first, the value of our self-estimate, sleeping--possibly, also, waking;
secondly, the significance of general formulæ when looked at in certain
exalted mental conditions.
I once inhaled a pretty full dose of ether, with the determination to
put on record, at the earliest moment of regaining consciousness, the
thought I should find uppermost in my mind. The mighty music of the
triumphal march into nothingness reverberated through my brain, and
filled me with a sense of infinite possibilities, which made me an
archangel for the moment. The veil of eternity was lifted. The one great
truth which underlies all human experience and is the key to all the
mysteries that philosophy has sought in vain to solve, flashed upon me
in a sudden revelation. Henceforth all was clear: a few words had lifted
my intelligence to the level of the knowledge of the cherubim. As my
natural condition returned, I remembered my resolution; and, staggering
to my desk, I wrote, in ill-shaped, straggling characters, the all
embracing truth still glimmering in my consciousness. The words were
these (children may smile; the wise will ponder): "_A strong smell of
turpentine prevails throughout._"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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