English fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, English
I myself always found Louiseke a little forbidding. She lacked the
charm and the quality, which I can only call mellowness, of her sister;
to me she seemed harsh, sour-tempered, and rather malevolent. But it
is very possible that I judged her unfairly; for, I confess, I could
never quite get over her ugliness. It was a sharp, hooky, witch-like
type of ugliness, which at that time I found particularly repulsive.
How difficult it is, even with the best will in the world, even for a
grown and reasonable man, to judge his fellow-beings without reference
to their external appearance! Beauty is a letter of recommendation
which it is almost impossible to ignore; and we attribute too often
the ugliness of the face to the character. Or, to be more precise,
we make no attempt to get beyond the opaque mask of the face to the
realities behind it, but run away from the ugly at sight without
even trying to find out what they are really like. That feeling of
instinctive dislike which ugliness inspires in a grown man, but which
he has reason and strength enough of will to suppress, or at least
conceal, is uncontrollable in a child. At three or four years old a
child will run screaming from the room at the aspect of a certain
visitor whose face strikes him as disagreeable. Why? Because the ugly
visitor is “naughty,” is a “bad man.” And up to a much later age,
though we have succeeded in preventing ourselves from screaming when
the ugly visitor makes his appearance, we do our best--at first, at any
rate, or until his actions have strikingly proved that his face belies
his character--to keep out of his way. So that if I always disliked
Louiseke, it may be that she was not to blame, and that my own peculiar
horror of ugliness made me attribute to her unpleasant characteristics
which she did not in reality possess. She seemed to me, then, harsh
and sour-tempered; perhaps she wasn’t; but, in any case, I thought so.
And that accounts for the fact that I never got to know her, never
tried to know her, as I knew her sister. Even after the extraordinary
event which, a year or two after my first visit to Longres, was to
alter completely the whole aspect of her life, I still made no effort
to understand Louiseke’s character. How much I regret my remissness
now! But, after all, one cannot blame a small boy for failing to have
the same standards as a man. To-day, in retrospect, I find Louiseke’s
character and actions in the highest degree curious and worthy of
study. But twenty years ago, when I knew her, her ugliness at first
appalled me, and always, even after I had got over my disgust,
surrounded her, for me, with a kind of unbreathable atmosphere, through
which I could never summon the active interest to penetrate. Moreover,
the event which now strikes me as so extraordinary, seemed to me then
almost normal and of no particular interest. And since she died before
my opinion about it had had time to change, I can only give a child’s
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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