Am I a coward? The bare recollection of what followed that reply makes me tremble. Time has passed. I am a new man now; my health is restored; my happiness is assured: I ought to be able to write on. No: it is not to be done. How can I think coolly? how force myself to record the suffering that I innocently, most innocently, inflicted on the sweetest and truest of women? Nothing saved us from a parting as absolute as the parting that follows death but the confession that had been wrung from me at a time when my motive spoke for itself. The artless avowal of her affection had been justified, had been honored, by the words which laid my heart at her feet when I said "I love you." ***** She had risen to leave me. In a last look, we had silently resigned ourselves to wait, apart from each other, for the day of reckoning that must follow Rothsay's return, when we heard the sound of carriage-wheels on the drive that led to the house. In a minute more the man himself entered the room. He looked first at Susan--then at me. In both of us he saw the traces that told of agitation endured, but not yet composed. Worn and weary he waited, hesitating, near the door. "Am I intruding?" he asked. "We were thinking of you, and speaking of you," I replied, "just before you came in." "_We?_" he repeated, turning toward Susan once more. After a pause, he offered me his hand--and drew it back. "You don't shake hands with me," he said. "I am waiting, Rothsay, until I know that we are the same firm friends as ever." For the third time he looked at Susan. "Will _you_ shake hands?" he asked. She gave him her hand cordially. "May I stay here?" she said, addressing herself to me. In my situation at that moment, I understood the generous purpose that animated her. But she had suffered enough already--I led her gently to the door. "It will be better," I whispered, "if you will wait downstairs in the library." She hesitated. "What will they say in the house?" she objected, thinking of the servants and of the humble position which she was still supposed to occupy. "It matters nothing what they say, now." I told her. She left us. "There seems to be some private understanding between you," Rothsay said, when we were alone. "You shall hear what it is," I answered. "But I must beg you to excuse me if I speak first of myself." "Are you alluding to your health?" "Yes." "Quite needless, Lepel. I met your doctor this morning. I know that a council of physicians decided you would die before the year was out." He paused there. "And they proved to be wrong," I added. "They might have proved to be right," Rothsay rejoined, "but for the accident which spilled your medicine and the despair of yourself which decided you on taking no more." I could hardly believe that I understood him. "Do you assert," I said, "that my medicine would have killed me, if I had taken the rest of it?" "I have no doubt that it would." "Will you explain what you mean?"