Little rays of moonshineHerbert, A. P. (Alan Patrick)
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Little rays of moonshine
Herbert, A. P. (Alan Patrick)
English essays -- 20th century; English wit and humor
Look again. Beyond him, a very long way off, is another old man, a
very, very jolly old man, with another beard, another card-table,
and more tomes. He is staring with profundity at the bench opposite.
Following his gaze, you detect with amazement another old man, all
alone on the great red bench. No, not alone. With something of the
sensations of a man who stands by a stagnant pond or looks at a drop
of drinking water through a microscope to discover that it is teeming
with life, you detect yet a fourth old man on the very same bench,
though, of course, a long way away. Both of them are equipped as the
others, though one of them, for some reason which does not appear, has
no beard. You are ready for anything now, so quite quickly you find the
fifth old man, far, far away in the distance, all alone on an island
in the emptiness, so far off that he seems to be cut off from all
communication with the other old men, or anyone else. Yet suddenly his
lips move, and it is seen that he is speaking. He is the presiding old
man, and he begins speaking while the first old man is still droning.
From the faint movement of his head and the far gleam of his eyes you
draw the conclusion that he is speaking to some living creature in your
own neighborhood; and, sure enough, you find that close to you, but
curtained off, there are seven or eight men shut up in a wooden pen
about seven feet square. These must be the prisoners, and that is the
dock, you think. But no, it is the barristers; as the House of Lords
is very holy they are only allowed to huddle on the doorstep. One of
them is standing in front of the pen at a sort of lectern, wearing a
big wig (the special House of Lords wig), and waiting patiently till
the old men have stopped squeaking. Most of the other men in the pen
are asleep, but two of them are crouching intently behind the other
one, and they keep tugging at his gown, or poking him in the back,
and whispering suggestions at him. When they do this he whispers back
with an aspect of calm, “Yes, yes--I follow,” but you know he does not
follow, and you know he is really in a great rage, because he is trying
to hear with the other ear what the old man is saying, and the old man
is so far away and his voice is so gentle, and his sentences are so
long and so full of parentheses, very often in Latin, that it is hard
enough to have to follow him, without being whispered at from the rear.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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