Women -- Social conditions -- 19th century -- Fiction
At the age of thirteen he went to Eton, and here every thing wore an
altered and unpleasing aspect. Here were no servile menials nor humble
friends. He stood one among many--equals, superiors, inferiors, all full
of a sense of their own rights, their own powers; he desired to lead,
and he had no followers; he wished to stand aloof, and his dignity, even
his privacy, was perpetually invaded. His schoolfellows soon discovered
his weakness--it became a bye-word among them, and was the object of
such practical jokes, as seemed to the self-idolizing boy, at once
frightful and disgusting. He had no resource. Did he lay his length
under some favourite tree to dream of home and independence, his
tormentors were at hand with some new invention to rouse and molest him.
He fixed his large dark eyes on them, and he curled his lips in scorn,
trying to awe them by haughtiness and frowns, and shouts of laughter
replied to the concentrated passion of his soul. He poured forth
vehement invective, and hootings were the answer. He had one other
resource, and that in the end proved successful:--a pitched battle or
two elevated him in the eyes of his fellows, and as they began to
respect him, so he grew in better humour with them and with himself. His
good-nature procured him friends, and the sun once more shone unclouded
upon him.
Yet this was not all. He put himself foremost among a troop of wild and
uncivilized school-boys; but he was not of them. His tastes, fostered in
solitude, were at once more manly and dangerous than theirs. He could
not distinguish the nice line drawn by the customs of the place between
a pardonable resistance, or rather evasion of authority, and rebellion
against it; and above all, he could not submit to practise equivocation
and deceit. His first contests were with his school-fellows, his next
were with his masters. He would not stoop to shows of humility, nor tame
a nature accustomed to take pride in daring and independence. He
resented injustice wherever he encountered or fancied it; he equally
spurned it when practised on himself, or defended others when they were
its object--freedom was the watchword of his heart. Freedom from all
trammels, except those of which he was wholly unconscious, imposed on
him by his passions and pride. His good-nature led him to side with the
weak; and he was indignant that his mere fiat did not suffice to raise
them to his own level, or that his representations did not serve to open
the eyes of all around him to the true merits of any disputed question.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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