Women -- Social conditions -- 19th century -- Fiction
At such times the knowledge of Ethel's devoted affection checked him. Or
sometimes, as he gazed on her as she lay sleeping at his side, he felt
that every sorrow was less than that which separation must produce; and
that to share adversity with her was greater happiness than the
enjoyment of prosperity apart from her. Once, when brought back from the
gloomiest desperation by such a return of softer emotions, the words of
Francesca da Rimini rushed upon his mind and completed the change. He
recollected how she and her lover were consoled by their eternal
companionship in the midst of the infernal whirlwind. "And do I love you
less, my angel?" he thought; "are you not more dear to me than woman
ever was to man, and would I divide myself from you because we suffer?
Perish the thought! Whether for good or ill, let our existences still
continue one, and from the sanctity and sympathy of our union, a sweet
will be extracted, sufficient to destroy the bitterness of this hour. We
prefer remaining together, mine own sweet love, for ever together,
though it were for an eternity of pain. And these woes are finite. Your
pure and exalted nature will be rewarded for its sufferings, and I, for
your sake, shall be saved. I could not live without you in this world;
and yet with insane purpose I would rush into the unknown, away from
you, leaving you to seek comfort and support from other hands than mine.
I was base and cowardly to entertain the thought, but for one moment--a
traitor to my own affection, and the stabber of your peace. Ah, dearest
Ethel, when in a few hours your eyes will open on the light, and seek me
as the object most beloved by them, were I away, unable to return their
fondness, incapable of the blessing of beholding them, what hell could
be contrived to punish more severely my dereliction of duty?"
With this last thought another train of feeling was introduced, and he
strung himself to more manly endurance. He saw that his post was
assigned him in this world, and that he ought to fulfil its duties with
courage and patience. Hope came hand in hand with such ideas--and the
dawn of content on his soul was a proof that the exercise of virtue
brought with it its own reward. He could not always keep his feelings in
the same tone, but he no longer saw greatness of mind in the indulgence
of sorrow.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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