Women -- Social conditions -- 19th century -- Fiction
early youth, that she selected the neighbourhood of Rhaider Gowy for her
future residence; nor from a desire of renewing the recollections of the
period spent there, nor of revisiting the scenes, where she had stepped
beyond infancy into the paths of life. Her choice simply arose from
being obliged to think of economy in its strictest sense, and she
remembered this place as the cheapest in the world, and the most
retired. Besides, that in fixing on a part of the country which she had
before inhabited, and yet where she would be utterly unknown, the idea
of her future home assumed distinctness, and a greater sense of
practicability was imparted to her schemes, than could have been the
case, had she been unable to form any image in her mind of the exact
spot whither she was about to betake herself.
The first conception of this plan had dawned on her soul, as the design
of some sublime poem or magnificent work of art may present itself to
the contemplation of the poet and man of genius. She dwelt on it in its
entire result, with a glow of joy; she entered into its details with
childish eagerness. She pictured to herself the satisfaction of Villiers
and Ethel at finding themselves suddenly, as by magic, restored to
freedom and the pleasures of life. She figured their gladness in
exchanging their miserable lodging for the luxury of her elegant
dwelling; their pleasure in forgetting the long train of previous
misfortunes, or remembering them only to enhance their prosperity, when
pain and fear, disgrace and shame, should be exchanged for security and
comfort. She repeated to herself, "I do all this--I, the despised
Cornelia! I who was deemed unworthy to have the guardianship of my own
child. I, who was sentenced to desertion and misery, because I was too
worldly and selfish to be worthy of Horace Saville! How little through
life has my genuine character been known, or its qualities appreciated!
Nor will it be better understood now. My sacrifices will continue a
mystery, and even the benefits I am forced to acknowledge to flow from
me, I shall diminish in their eyes, by bestowing them with apparent
indifference. Will they ever deign to discover the reality under the
deceitful appearances which it will be my pride to exhibit? I care not;
conscience will approve me--and when I am alone and unthought of, the
knowledge that Ethel is happy through my means will make poverty a
blessing."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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