LONDON LAVENDER AN ENTERTAINMENT BY E. V. LUCAS AUTHOR OF "OVER BEMERTON'S," "MR. INGLESIDE," ETC. New York THE MACMILLAN COMPANY 1912 _All rights reserved_ COPYRIGHT, 1912, BY THE MACMILLAN COMPANY. Set up and electrotyped. Published September, 1912. Norwood Press J. S. Cushing Co.--Berwick & Smith Co. Norwood, Mass., U.S.A. A CHOICE OF MOTTOES "... across the field of vision ..."--_Optician's Catalogue_. "Nothing doing."--_Stock Exchange Bulletin_. "It is almost impossible to exclude truth altogether.'"--_Observer's Corner_. "The mixture as before."--_Dr. William Osler_. NOTE Try as I might to prevent it, certain characters from _Listener's Lure_, _Mr. Ingleside_, and particularly _Over Bemertons_, would keep breaking into this book. I have to thank Mr. Cecil Sharp for permission to reproduce the music on pages 26, 27, and 276. That on pages 143 and 144, also due to his courtesy, is now published for the first time. E. V. L. CONTENTS CHAPTER I. In which a new home is found, and the status of anthropoid apes is carefully determined II. In which the four gentlemen above us obtain their characters, and Primrose Terrace is rudely disturbed III. In which a visit is paid to a red-haired lady, and certain members of London's foreign population are enumerated IV. In which I am forbidden to be idle, and therefore find congenial employment V. In which we find lovers of two kinds, and meet with a poignant invention VI. In which we meet the first-floor-back, and find that the milk of human kindness still runs VII. In which Mr. Dabney warms his house with a discussion, and I am glad to get home VIII. In which an honest couple who never did anyone any harm are seen on the brink of the struggle with prosperity IX. In which the top-floor-back turns out to be an acquaintance, and schemes are unfolded for the salvation of an effete race X. In which we find ourselves in the bosom of an English family, and watch a Utopian in love XI. In which there is trouble in the house of Wiles owing to a husband once again getting his own way XII. In which the first-floor-front unfolds, and some of the secrets of a remarkable modern invention are laid bare XIII. In which Mrs. Duckie discusses the duties of life, and Mr. Bemerton introduces me to certain village pessimists XIV. In which a jovial party joins England's annual Saturnalia, and a new Knight philosophizes on his greatness XV. In which I am initiated into the mysteries of the ring, and am more bewildered than usual by my countrymen's avoidance of facts XVI. In which four-legs make much anxiety for two-legs, and Sir Gaston develops occult gifts XVII. In which an old gambler (retired from business) tells of a triumph, and the younger generation in love comes under review XVIII. In which Sussex voices are raised in melody, Uncle Jonah gives his memory play, and we meet a Napoleonic Quaker