To both the boys this training came as part of the yoke which age
imposes on youth. Boyhood is always surrendering its secret convictions
at the bidding of authority; the process called education is one long
defeat of the barbarians by the legions. Their mother heard them repeat
the phrases which she had taught them, and believed in her work.
A cold temper and unimaginative mind enabled the elder boy to take this
religion in the formal spirit in which it has been taken by a great
part of mankind for two thousand years. As a theory of the universe
it received his unquestioning assent; as a life-motive it left him
practically untouched. He became the unconscious hypocrite whom the
Gospel was written to make us loathe, and who has governed the Church
ever since the Gospel was written.
On Alistair his mother’s teaching had another effect. A poet’s
sensitiveness on the score of words made him shrink at times from
the familiar language of his mother’s creed. But his temperament
responded readily to the exciting influence of religious emotion, and
the cunning which usually accompanies hysteria taught him to use this
faculty for his own protection. When he had been naughty during the
day--and Alistair was already marked out as the naughty one of the
two brothers--it was his mother’s habit to come into his room after
he had gone to bed, and try to soften him. She knelt beside the bed,
and talked and prayed with him till the boy melted in a confession of
wrongdoing, and the two made it up with kisses and tears.
These scenes had endeared Alistair to his mother, whose tenderness for
her younger son aroused the elder’s secret jealousy. They had been
ruinous to the boy himself, whom they made an emotional debauchee. He
spent his sincerity in spasms of repentance which left him worse than
before. There were yet other consequences: the nervous organization is
a sensitive instrument, which ignorant fingers do not touch for nothing.
For a year past Alistair had inspired his mother with hopes that he was
ripening for the change of mind which she called conversion. He had
become more serious; his gaiety was sometimes dashed with melancholy;
he wrote verses which she treasured up as evidences of the direction
his intelligence was taking. The verses were echoes of the poets whom
she had placed in his hands, and her favourite poets were Miss Havergal
and Dr. Bonar. He had taken to wandering much by himself in the park;
sometimes on returning from these rambles he posed her with strange
questions about the nature of the Deity and the contradictions that
abound in every positive system of the universe.
The mother drew happy auguries. Like Hannah, she dedicated her son
to the Lord, and wrote to the Archbishop who was his godfather, to
interest him in the boy.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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