He began, as his custom was in mental prayer, by a deliberate act of
self-exclusion from the world of sense. Under the image of sinking
beneath a surface he forced himself downwards and inwards, till the peal
of the organ, the shuffle of footsteps, the rigidity of the chair-back
beneath his wrists--all seemed apart and external, and he was left a
single person with a beating heart, an intellect that suggested image
after image, and emotions that were too languid to stir themselves. Then
he made his second descent, renounced all that he possessed and was, and
became conscious that even the body was left behind, and that his mind
and heart, awed by the Presence in which they found themselves, clung
close and obedient to the will which was their lord and protector. He
drew another long breath, or two, as he felt that Presence surge about
him; he repeated a few mechanical words, and sank to that peace which
follows the relinquishment of thought.
There he rested for a while. Far above him sounded the ecstatic music,
the cry of trumpets and the shrilling of the flutes; but they were as
insignificant street-noises to one who was falling asleep. He was within
the veil of things now, beyond the barriers of sense and reflection, in
that secret place to which he had learned the road by endless effort, in
that strange region where realities are evident, where perceptions go to
and fro with the swiftness of light, where the swaying will catches now
this, now that act, moulds it and speeds it; where all things meet,
where truth is known and handled and tasted, where God Immanent is one
with God Transcendent, where the meaning of the external world is
evident through its inner side, and the Church and its mysteries are
seen from within a haze of glory.
So he lay a few moments, absorbing and resting.
Then he aroused himself to consciousness and began to speak.
“Lord, I am here, and Thou art here. I know Thee. There is nothing else
but Thou and I.... I lay this all in Thy hands--Thy apostate priest, Thy
people, the world, and myself. I spread it before Thee--I spread it
before Thee.”
He paused, poised in the act, till all of which he thought lay like a
plain before a peak.
... “Myself, Lord--there but for Thy grace should I be going, in
darkness and misery. It is Thou Who dost preserve me. Maintain and
finish Thy work within my soul. Let me not falter for one instant. If
Thou withdraw Thy hand I fall into utter nothingness.”
So his soul stood a moment, with outstretched appealing hands, helpless
and confident. Then the will flickered in self-consciousness, and he
repeated acts of faith, hope and love to steady it. Then he drew another
long breath, feeling the Presence tingle and shake about him, and began
again.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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