Starke got up and went away by himself, to the edge of the rimrock that
fell sheer to the burning sea. He sat down. The red fog wrapped him
like a mist of blood. He thought of the blood on Beudag's breast the
first time he saw her. He thought of the blood on his knife, crusted
and dried. He thought of the blood poured rank and smoking into the
gutters of Crom Dhu. The fog has to be red, he thought. Of all the
goddam colors in the universe, it has to be red. Red like Beudag's hair.
He held out his hands and looked at them, because he could still feel
the silken warmth of that hair against his skin. There was nothing
there now but the old white scars of another man's battles.
He set his fists against his temples and wished for his old body back
again--the little stunted abortion that had clawed and scratched its
way to survival through sheer force of mind. A most damnably tough
mind, Rann had said. Yeah. It had had to be tough. But a mind was a
mind. It didn't have emotions. It just figured out something coldly
and then went ahead and never questioned, and it controlled the body
utterly, because the body was only the worthless machinery that carried
the mind around. Worthless. Yeah. The few women he'd ever looked at
had told him that--and he hadn't even minded much. The old body hadn't
given him any trouble.
He was having trouble now.
Starke got up and walked.
Tomorrow we reach the pass.
Tomorrow we go away from the Red Sea. There are nine planets and the
whole damn Belt. There are women on all of them. All shapes, colors,
and sizes, human, semi-human, and God knows what. With a million
credits a guy could buy half of them, and with Conan's body he could
buy the rest. What's a woman, anyway? Only a....
_Water. She'll be given water. Not much, but enough._
Conan reached out and took hold of a spire of rock, and his muscles
stood out like knotted ropes. "Oh God," he whispered, "what's the
matter with me?"
"_Love._"
It wasn't God who answered. It was Rann. He saw her plainly in his
mind, heard her voice like a silver bell.
"Conan was a man, Hugh Starke. He was whole, body and heart and brain.
He knew how to love, and with him it wasn't women, but one woman--and
her name was Beudag. I broke him, but it wasn't easy. I can't break
you."
Starke stood for a long, long time. He did not move, except that he
trembled. Then he took from his belt the box containing his million
credits and threw it out as far as he could over the cliff edge. The
red mist swallowed it up. He did not hear it strike the surface of the
sea. Perhaps in that sea there was no splashing. He did not wait to
find out.
He turned back along the rimrock, toward a place where he remembered
a cleft, or chimney, leading down. And the four shining men who wore
Rann's harness came silently out of the heavy luminous night and ringed
him in. Their sword-points caught sharp red glimmers from the sky.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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