Their thoughts groped naturally to such things. In the full realisation
of their helplessness, they looked up. The background was a deep
fleckless purple. Bellair hadn’t known the great stars of the northern
skies, much less these splendid strangers. The brimming closeness
of the dark sea harrowed the landsman’s heart of him; and there was
something as great or greater than the actual terror of ultimate
submerging. It was the fear of the fear; the same that causes men
to leap from high places through the very horror of the thought of
leaping. The water lapped the clinkered sides of the small boat. He
touched it. His flesh took from the coolness something that numbed the
pervading alarm; a message which the wet hand sensed, but the brain
could not interpret. The presence of the others forward sustained him;
Stackhouse in the stern was the downpull; thus Bellair was in the
balance.
It was yet far from dawn; certainly no lighter, but Bellair could see
better. The woman was looking away. He knew that he would see her so,
until the last day of her life--that profile of serene control, that
calm, far-seeing gaze.... What gave her this quiet power?... Already
the thoughts of the three were intimate matters to all. It seemed very
natural now to ask Fleury what gave the woman such strength.
“It’s the sense that all is well, in spite of this physical
estrangement from the world,” the preacher said. “Bellair, it’s the
sense that nothing matters but the soul. It’s not belief; it’s knowing.
She has lost the sense of self. _She is through talking._ It is
finished with her. We talk, because it is not finished in us--but it is
being accomplished. We talk because we want that peace; when it comes
we will not talk, but live it. It is exactly opposite to _desire_; you
can see that----”
Yes, Bellair could see that. He had but to turn back in his seat to
confront Stackhouse wringing his heavy twitching hands and begging for
water, begging like a leper, now that a face turned to him--the most
frightful picture of the work of desire and the fear of desire, that
the world or the underworld could furnish. Less than two hours before
he had drunk a quart and wasted a pint in his greed; and behind Bellair
was the silent woman and Fleury, thinking of others, full of the good
of the world.... In the worldliness that came to him from Stackhouse,
the intimacy of the matter they had just talked about seemed startling.
“One can’t help but notice what _you get from somewhere_--and what the
woman has,” Bellair added.
* * * * *
They were in the grey mystery of dawn--alone, for they had drifted, and
the sailors in the other boat had begun to row at once. Stackhouse was
lifted a little, brought nearer, possibly by the tension, which they
all came to know so well--the tension of that grey hour, before the day
reveals the sea.
“It was my ship,” he whimpered. “It was my hamber--McArliss was mine
and the service----”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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